The Chronicles of the Champions of Hogwarts
by KeybladeWizardMaster
Summary: Every character of every story, movie, and game exist! And its up to four friends to find and become The Champions! And they must save all worlds from the New Organization! But time grows short, as the worlds of Harry Potter, Kngdom Hearts, and others collide in the ultimate between light and darkness!
1. Chapter 1

I do not own anything except for Cole, Alice, Annabel, and Kletus

Sorry guys but i had to make a few changes to the main characters for specific reasons! please continue to enjoy this lovely story! ;)

The Chronicles Of The Champions Of Hogwarts

Chapter 1- Field Trip

Here's how this is going to go; you're going to read it, and like it!

It was Spring Break, and a few selective students from Westsyde Secondary, were on a plane to Orlando, Florida. The Fine Arts program offers trips to places all around the world, and this year the destination for "educational" fun was Universal Studios. And it just opened up "Harry Potter World"! Four friends, Cole, Alice, Kletus, and Anabel, went on this trip. But for one reason only, "Harry Potter World"! Well, at least for Cole, Alice, and Annabel. Their major fans of HP. Who isn't?

Darkness fell across the sky as Cole watched the plains of Tennessee roll by. Alice was busy drawing The Mad Hatter from the picture on her iPhone 4. Kletus had his arm around Annabel as she grew more and more tired. Cole wore his Pedi-coat, Fox jeans, and black shoes. Alice wore a dark blue and white striped hoodie, a ripped pair of West 49 jeans, and white sneakers. Kletus wore a casual hoodie, black sleeveless shirt, shorts, shoes, and a Celtic cross necklace. Annabel wore a "I'm a Gleek" sweater, jeans, and sneakers. Her dark brunette hair dangled past her shoulders, and her bangs were close to covering her glasses. The four friends sat facing each other, two and two.

"Cole?" Kletus asked.

"Hmm… Oh! Sorry. I was… thinking."

"You've been looking out the window the whole flight. And you haven't said much."

"Kletus is right." Agreed Alice. "You're really talkative. Like, all the time in art class!"

"I'm just tired." Cole lied.

Well, not really. He hasn't slept well for months since September. But that's a cover up for what he was thinking.

"Well, whatever." Cole ended the conversation.

"I can't to get to Potter World!" exclaimed Annabel.

But just then, the schools bitch, Emmalie, came in, and sat down with her "posy" following her. After a few minutes of talking and having fun, the friends were approached by Emmalie.

"Hey Cole." She said very slutty.

Cole didn't even look up, he just said, "Hey."

"So, uh, I was thinking you should sit with us."

"I think I'll stay here."

Emmalie didn't move. "But maybe you'll like it better than sitting here with these-"

"He said he's fine!" shouted Annabel.

Alice coughed, "Skank!"

Emmalie's jaw dropped as she gave a lame girl 'gasp'. "Fine!" she said. "Sit here with these losers!" Then she turned and left as Alice gave her the finger!

"It's better than sitting with douchebags!" Cole yelled back. "Fucking bitch." He said under his breath.

"I'm a fucking wizard!" Alice exclaimed randomly.

Kletus added, "Trolololol!" he laughed. "A HIPPOGRIFF!?" he yelled as he flailed his arms!

"You guys are sooooo random!" Annabel said.

"Amen." Cole said.

Later, the plane landed in Orlando. It took, we think, two hours to get the luggage, and load it into the bus. The buses engine roared to life, and they were off to their hotel. The hotel was a 3 star, 5 stories high, and the manager is a douchebag! And he and Danielle did not become the best of friends.

Alice laughed at the statue. It was naked after all!

"Is there something wrong?" Asked the hotels manager.

"Um. Yeah! Why the hell is that baby statue naked?"

"It's art."

"I'm in art class! And that is not art! That's fucking child pornography!"

"No it is not!" The manager yelled. The lobby went quiet, even for such a large room! There was a giant staircase that led to the second floor, and the two pairs of elevators. The managers face was going red! Then Kletus called Alice over to get to her room. On the 5th floor, Cole and Kletus were given room 519. Annabel and Alice got the room beside them, 517. Kletus and Cole began unpacking, only after Kletus used the bathroom.

"Dude," he said as he came out. "Don't ever go in there! I had Mexican food on the plane! And I had the chili I had before we left did not agree with the Mexican tacos!"

"Ew!" Cole replied.

Cole pulled out from his suitcase his PSP, with headphones, earphones, charger and two games.

"You brought Dissidia?" asked Kletus.

"Yep."

"What about Duodecim?"

"I had to get it downloaded from the internet. Along with Final Fantasy one, four, and seven." Kletus looked inside the PSPs UMD CD compartment. "Kingdom Hearts: Birth By Sleep?"

"Best portable game ever! I will never go anywhere without it!"

"I feel the same way about my iPod touch!"

Later, Cole and Kletus walked across the hall to Annabel and Alice's room. It wasn't hard to figure out they had already settled in. Considering Alice had set up her iPod stereo system, and had ACDC's Back in Black blasting at high volume! Alice was lying on her bed lip-syncing to the song, and drawing in her sketch book. Annabel was looking up when the next Glee episode was on .

"Hey!" Kletus shouted over the music.

Alice turned the music down when she saw them.  
"Ready to go?" asked Cole.

"Where are we going? Cause we just got here!" Annabel wondered.

"Yeah, either we go to 'Harry Potter World', or we get left behind!"

At that moment, they all turned off everything, and rushed down the stairs (The elevators were just taken)! They arrived right as their teacher, Ms. Gertrude, was starting attendance! Ms. Gertrude was short, possibly Latino or Italian, and had black/red hair.

"Kletus!" she called.

"Here!" He answered.

Ms. Gertrude called out everyone else's names, and they all loaded onto the bus. Emmalie kept her eye on Cole and Kletus the whole time. On the way, the four friends talked about being wizards, and how cool it would be to be one! But Kletus would prefer being a knight. Then they looked out the buses window to see that they're pulling into a very large parking lot! All the students left the bus, and murmurs of excitement turned to yells and squeals! Then they all walked, not calmly, towards the entrance to Universal Studios.

"Hey guys." Kletus whispered, as Gertrude began to talk on and on about boring BS.

"What now Kletus?" asked Annabel. "If you need to go take a sh… crap! You should've gone before we left!"

"No actually!" Klerus replied. "But I was going to say that it'll be a while before we get to Harry Potter World."

"How long a while?" asked Alice.

"An hour or more? Possibly three?"

"Hell to the no!" Cole shouted. "I'm not waiting that fucking long!"

"There a problem, Cole?" Ms. Gertrude asked.

Quickly Cole thought of a lie! He's very imaginative and convincing. So he has no problem getting out of awkward situations. "Uh, um… I just meant that I was wondering when the next election is?"

"Right now."

"Oh! I didn't know that! Thank you for clearing that up."

The class returned to as it was, and Alice said, "Let's go!"

And so, they ditched class, and got lost! At first, they started walking around aimlessly, thenthey realized they had no clue where they were.

"Okay, we're lost!" Annabel said after ten minutes of walking around.

"Shit!" Cole swore.

"So what now?" asked Alice?

"I don't know." Cole said. "We could ask around?"

So they approached a guy with a Universal Studios uniform. He looked old and hunched over.

"Excuse me sir." Annabel said to him.

"Oh yes? And what can I do for you?" he said.

"Do you know where we might find Harry Potter World?"

"Right over there." He laughed.

They turned around to see that right behind them was the one, and only, Harry Potter World!

"It was behind us the whole time!?" Kletus asked loudly and obviously.

"Teenage dumbasses." The old man said as he walked away.

"Well you're a Dumbledore cock fucker!" Alice yelled back.

"Yeah!" Cole cheered. "Suck on that!"

Then Kletus randomly added, "Trololol, fucking lol!"

Inside was breathtaking! Wizards were everywhere! And there were those people where you say: "He looks nothing like Harry Potter!" or "Whoa! She totally looks a lot like Hermione Granger!" There were rides, shops, a candy store just like the Weasley Brothers store! And an exact wand shop like Ollivanders! But the one they went to was a tour of the Hogwarts Castle Replica!

"Oh my God!" Alice yelled with glee!

They rushed inside and found themselves in the Great Hall (The place where the guys in Harry Potter ate!)! And saw people eating succulent food! Roast turkey, stuffed pig, fruit, and…. Pizza? Daine laughed like a crazy lunatic, and dove in! Matt frantically flailed his arms and ran around saying, "Oh my God! Trolololololol!"

Annabel and Alice sat down casually, and ate some turkey. Kletus and Cole eventually calmed down, and sat down with the girls.

"This is amazing!" Coe exclaimed.

"I know!" Kletus agreed.

"What is this, I don't even!" said Alice

After ten minutes, an elderly man appeared at the end of the hall. He was dressed in long silvery blue silk robes, with a metal staff that had a blue orb and a black stone inside. He had long white hair and a beard, and blue eyes hidden behind half-moon spectacles.

"Good afternoon everyone." He said. His voice echoed through the hall. "Hagrid's not only giant on campus, if you know what I mean…" he winked at everyone.

"…Awkward…" Alice murmured.

The old man walked slyly back to the front of the hall. His eyes were filled with joy as he looked about the room. Suddenly, he made an awkward motion to his crotch with is hand and began scratching it, hoping no one would notice! "Welcome to Hogwarts School of Gay Fuck Stupid!" He coughed. "I mean, Witchcraft and Wizardry! Please welcome my special whore, (cough cough) guest, Harry Potter! …He makes my magic elder wand and golden snitches tingle!"

The people sitting around the room cheered as the old wizards whore came into the room. "I have a pickled rocket cock!" Harry squealed.

The old man, we assume is being Dumbledore, whispered, "Save it for our next lesson, in my bed!"

"Whip me on your tit wagon!" Harry Potter winked seductively.

"No you!" yelled Kletus.

"Trololololol!" Cole, Alice, and Anabel said at the same time.

Dumbledore pointed at them and said, "You four! Get up here!"

They all moaned, and walked up to the center of the stage. Then Dumbledore said, "No one has ever trolled Harry Potter before! Not even in the books and movies! Congratulations!" Suddenly the entire hall bursted into cheers, and boos from the Slytherin table!

"Uh…" Annabel tried to say. "What did we win?"

"A car!?" asked Cole.

Dumbledore answered, "No"

"A plasma screen 3D TV!?" asked Annabel.

"Um, no."

"A free trip to Paris!?" asked Alice.

"Not exactly."

"A Hippogriff!?" asked Kletus.

"NO!"

"Then what?" wondered Cole.

"We'll see what the crystal says!"

"Say what?"

Before they could react, Dumbledore turned and kicked Harry square in the nuts! He let out a high pitched squeal and then the floor behind them opened! And a giant shimmering crystal of all colors leveled up!

"Whoa!" Kletus said.

"What the fuck is that!?" asked Alice.

Dumbledore rolled his eyes, "It's a crystal!"

"No shit Sherlock!" Cole murmured.

Then suddenly, blue sparks flew around out of the crystal! They circled around everyone! And they floated in the four friends hands, and travelled into their veins to their hearts!

"I must be tripping balls!" Annabel muttered.

"Alright everyone," Dumbledore began, again. "We have waited a long time for this! The Champions have arrived!" Once again, cheers came from all around! Dumbledore raised his hands for silence. "Kletus," he said. "Your compassion for your friends is strong. And your ability to troll even Harry Potter is unquestionable!"

As he spoke, a zwillhandler sword appeared in Matt's right hand, with a golden hilt, and an emerald in the center! "The Sword of Trololol."

"Seriously? You couldn't give him the sword of Gryffindor!? What the hell Dumbledore!?" Annabel yelled.

"We're low on dough, and I can't find any replicas of the sword of a fucking retard!"

The entire hall went quiet.

"Uh… Let's continue!"

He turned to Annabel and said "Annabel, you are given the power of the White Mage!" a light brown wand appeared in her hand, with a drawing of a thousand stars on it!

"Cole given your soon-to-be close encounters to the darkness, you are now a Black Mage!" Yet another wand appeared, only for Cole. It was brown with a blue crystal tip, and rose designs all over it!

"Alice, you-"

"Yeah, yeah, skip the dramatic bullshit!" said Alice.

"You're a Red Mage. Here's your sword and wand." Then a red sword showed up in her hand, with red crystals in the hilt. "Now you will prove yourselves to be who we think you are by… Killing Edward Cullen!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Annabel said. "Just hold on a minute!"

"Yeah!" Kletus agreed. "Who do you think we are? This is all happening really fast!"

Dumbledore said, "You are said to be Champions, and to save all worlds from the Darkness! Get it?"

"Got it!"

"Good. Now, be gone!"

Suddenly, they instinctively held each other's hands as the entire world began to spin! Their stomachs twisted and turned, as they crashed into the ground! Alexxa stood up and looked around as everyone got to their feet. Tall trees surrounded them. And when Cole called out, "Hello fags!" Birds flew out of the trees.

"Hippogriff!" Kletus yelled flailing his arms.

"Tit wagon, and tingling golden snitches!" Alice laughed.

"Will you guys just shut up?" Annabel snapped.

When she turned around, she was face to face with a giant brown wolf!


	2. Chapter 2- Necropheliacs and Beastiality

I own nothing except Cole, Alice, Annabel, and Kletus.

The Chronicles of the Champions of Hogwarts

Chapter 2- Necrophiliacs and Beastiallity 

"My, what big eyes you have." Annabel said to the wolf.

"My, what curly pubic hair that you all have." murmured the wolf.

"…What!? You make no sense, you tit sucking raccoon ass orangina fuck!" Alice yelled at him.

The wolf fell silent for a moment. "Okay then…" the wolf said.

"How do you know the consistency of our pubic hairs?" Kletus accused.

"Mine are actually braided, thank you very much!" Cole exclaimed.

"…Too much information." Annabel rolled her eyes.

"I know many things." The wolf smirked.

"You don't know shit all, you saggy sack of burger shit!" Alice boomed!

"Is she always like this?" The brown haired creature asked.

"Only every fucking day!" Cole answered.

"So I guess that means you're here to kill that sparkling gay vampire?" asked the wolf.

"Yeah." Annabel said. "If I'm right, you're Jacob Black."

"Yes. I'll take you to Edwards's house. It's mostly full of lizard piss fuckers!"

Jacob then suddenly turned into his human form. And he was… you know… a tranny! Cause he wasn't wearing any shorts!

"Oh my fucking turtle sucking whore barn tits!" yelled Alice.

Jacob raised his eyebrows at Alice and her foul language. "Well," he said. "Follow me and I'll take you to their house. I must warn you, Edward has two sisters, Asslick and Rottenass, then two brothers named Eunice and Va-jasper."

"Oh… um… nice names." Annabel mentioned sarcastically.

"I HEARD EDWARD HAS A SPARKLY ASS!" Cole yelled expectantly.

"Taco piss wizards!" Kletus joined in.

Jacob did a face palm and shook his head. "You guys are fucked…" he said.

"No you, you beastiallic bitchass!" Alice remarked. So then they ran through the woods, with Jacob leading them onward. They passed over roots sticking out of the ground. The forest seemed to stretch on forever. Until they reached a clearing. And saw a large house with large glass windows and doors, The Cullen's House.

"Wait." Annabel abruptly said. Everyone stopped and looked at her. "We don't know any spells or anything! I doubt Kletus can even use a sword with his weak muscles!"

"Hey!" Kletus shouted in protest, even though it's true.

Annabel gave him 'The Stare' and he backed off.

"We've read a lot of Harry Potter." Suggested Cole. "So we just use those spells."

"Incendio up your ass!" Alice shouted.

"Like for example…" Cole pointed his wand at Jacob and said, "Clothseis Appearis!" In as flash, Jacob was wearing shorts! They turned to the house and Kletus charged through the glass door! Shards of glass scattered everywhere! Inside, there was two graceful, pale, beautiful vampires: Asslick and Rottenass. Asslick had dark hair, Rottenass had blond hair, and they both had golden eyes."Who the fuck are you!?" demanded Asslick.

"We're looking for Edward." Annabel said

"Oh!" Rottenass said. "You brought the mutt!"

"Shut it you slutty bitch!" yelled Jacob.

"You wanna go, you stinky kinky sex toy!"

Rottenass jumped at Jacob, quickly Annabel pulled out her wand and said, "Protego!"

Suddenly a wall of energy appeared between Jacob and Rottenass!

"Where's Edward?" Alice asked.

"At Bella's house." Asslick said. "Probably going to fuck her up the ass again!"

"Up the ass!?" Alice said, a bit freaked out.

"Again!?" asked Kletus.

"Edward has a penis!?" asked Cole.

"A Hippogriff!?" Annabel yelled, flailing her arms. An awkward silence fell over the room.

"…Yes, up the ass…" Asslick repeated.

"Wait!" Alice yelled "How the fuck does that work!? Edward has no heartbeat, so blood can't be transferred to… you know. You can't fuck worth shit without an erection!"

"Very true, but he does it with a limp dick anyways." Rottenass said.

"I bet he has a millimetre peter!" Kletus chuckled.

"NO U!" Cole made a comeback.

"I'm not even offended in the slightest way that you're talking about Edward and insulting him." Asslick said.

"Shut your trap you sparkly cock of barn shit!" Alice directed at Asslick.

"Okay then…" Rottenass shrugged awkwardly.

"We must find Edward!" Jacob exclaimed.

"You smell like a rotten aid-infested onion garden!" Cole said.

"What is this I don't even…" Jacob shook his head.

"Okay, you know what? Fuck this bullshit!" yelled Kletus, as he sliced Rottenass's boobs off! They jiggled on the floor.

"I knew they were fake!" yelled Asslick.

"Ahhhhh! My fucking tits!" cried Rottenass.

Then Kletus sliced off her head! Her body went limp and her head rolled on the floor.

"Incendio up your ass!" yelled Cole, pointing his wand at Rottenass. Flames shot from his wand, to go inside Rottenass's… ass? Then her entire body bursted into flames!

"Finally!" cried a suddenly joyful Asslick. "It took this long for someone to come around and kill that skank lobster poop humper bastard munch vag badger!"

"She really seemed to be a pillow biting pipe fuck jar herpes tool STD basket sausage sucker!" Alice expressed. Jacob went over to the flaming body and kicked it! "Take that you boner café tumor finagler!" he grinned.

"Penis snorter ass harmonica!" Kletus said.

"You guys have severe bad language problems…" Annabel mentioned, and then walked towards the door to go outside. She gasped when she saw Eunice and Va-jasper performing an act of incest on the front lawn! We ran outside and suddenly stopped after seeing what was in front of us! Asslick hissed when she saw Eunice on top of Va-jasper!

"Va-jasper!" she shrieked at him.

"Oh… um, hi." He sheepishly.

"You… piss eating sausage squid!" she yelled furiously.

"We weren't doing anything, I swear!" Eunice said and got up to cover his naked body with his items of clothing.

"Then what were you guys doing!?" Asslick wanted to know.

"Erm," Va-jasper murmured. "We were….. playing Doctor and Patient?" he bullshitted.

"Oh, okay then." Asslick smiled in relief.

"What a dumb bitch!" Jacob murmured under his breath.

"Anyways… we should probably go and find Edward…" Cole said, scarred for life from he just witnessed.

"Agreed." Kletus said and looked away.

"Um, let's go then." Jacob hurried off from the house. We all followed behind him and left Eunice and Va-jasper to their odd sex games. "We're off to the vampire, the necropheliac vampire!" Annabel began to sing as we skipped through the woods in our group. We arrived at Bella's house, and Jacob was the first to get to the door.

"Let me handle this." He said smugly, then proceeded to press the doorbell.

"What? That's it? I at least thought you were going to kick down the door like a big bad wolf!" Alice frowned.

"Not now." Jacob rolled his eyes.

Suddenly the door opened and what must have been Edward's girlfriend, was standing in the doorway. She had long tit hair (in the sunlight it looks brown)and was very whore looking.

"Can I help you?" she asked.

"Where's your necropheliac fag of a boyfriend!" Cole asked, a rather bit loud.

Edward came down the stairs and stood protectively in front of Bella. "Who are you?" he stated, staring at us cautiously.

"Wow, so this necropheliac boner bucket bitch actually exists!" Alice said.

"Erm… That's Alice, this is Annabel and Kletus. I'm Cole." He said.

"Oh, welcome to the swan residence." Bella smiled warmly.

She had really huge tits, and we think she might have had crotch crabs.

"Nice to meet you." Edward said.

"We have business to complete here, you bastard mustard douche trumpet!" Jacob scowled.

Edward flinched, probably because Jacob smelled like a piss covered pubic carpet banjo. "And that might be…?" Edward trailed off but pushed Bella back into the house before he came outside. "If it's anything to do with Bella, I swear…" he murmured.

"Oh, it has nothing to do with her." Alice whispered. Suddenly, she whipped out her wand (NOT A PENIS) and shouted, "I'M FUCKING DEFYING THE LAWS OF PHYSICS!"

The air around them became horribly scorching hot and bursts of flames circled around and engulfed them all! "Take that you tranny wheel shit hobbit!" Kletus shouted.

"Oh my!" Annabel gasped, both at the fact that Edward became incinerated and how Bella's house was on fire with her inside! She was most likely dead.

"THANK YOU!" Jacob cheered, happy that Edward had died. Kletus ran inside the house and dragged Bella out. He began to remove her shirt.

"What are you doing!?" Annabel exclaimed. She started to get mad.

"I must cut off her tits, even if they're burnt. It's tradition." He coughed.

Annabel shook her head as Kletus took his sword of Trololol out from literally nowhere, and sliced Bella's tits! Jacob smirked and looked away. Cole's eyes were wide; he was trying to take in everything that just happened!

"I guess this is where we part ways." Jacob frowned.

"I suppose so!" Annabel said.

Jacob waved his goodbyes and then took off to go whatever who knows what! We took off from Bella's now burned down house, and went into the forest. Kletus and Cole were kicking at the ground. Uh…" Alice said after realizing that they were kicking the scorched tits of Bella Swan.

"We should use a portkey!" Annabel smiled as we all stopped in the woods.

"A what?" Kletus asked, confused.

"A magical object that links you to a certain location." Cole rolled his eyes.

"Know it all…" Kletus mumbled to himself.

Annabel stood by Kletus, "Give me the… tit." She said awkwardly. Kletus passed it to her and she held it gently. "Everyone join hands." Alice ordered. Everyone stood in a circle and Annabel threw the portkey tit in the middle. She took out her wand and pointed at it while holding hands with whoever stood beside her. "Portkey: Hogwarts!"

With that, everything was a blur, and the next thing we knew was that we were at the castle…

Coming Soon- Chapter 3- Quidditch In China


	3. Chapter 3- Quidditch In China

I do not own anything except Cole, Alice, Annabel, and Kletus

Chapter 3- Quidditch in China

Dumbledore greeted the four friends, and congratulated them on their success.

"You killed Cedric, uh, I mean, my first (cough cough) assignment given to you!"

"Yeah…" Annabel said awkwardly.

"So, what now?" asked Kletus?

"Well, I think Dumbledore needs to explain what the hell is going on!" said Cole.

"Forgive me for not being clear, but you are said to be Champions. Meaning you will gather the forces of the world to stop the armies of darkness."

"What do you mean 'armies'?" Alice wondered.

"I mean like, in movies. Like Sauron from 'Lord of the Rings', or even Voldemort."

"Well then," Cole said with a smile on his face. "What about, say, video games?"

"Like what?" asked Dumbledore.

"Oh no!" Kletus said abruptly. "Cole, I know what you're thinking!"

"Like maybe, oh, I don't know, say… Kingdom Hearts?" Cole asked.

"Why yes actually." said Dumbledore. "In fact, Sora is one of the forces of light you need to find!"

"Where can we find him?" Annabel asked.

"Our contacts say he was last spotted at the Quidditch Tournament."

They followed the headmaster outside, and with a shock, saw they weren't in Harry Potter World. They were at the real Hogwarts Castle! With its high Gryiffindor Tower, endless fields, the small docking bay, at the bottom of the hill, and the tower where the owls lived! And off in the distance was the small village of Hogsmeade!

"How the fucking donkey dildo tits did we get here!?" asked a very surprised Alice.

"Magic! Obviously!" said Annabel.

"So how will we be getting to the Tournament?" asked Kletus.

"We'll be apparating." Dumbledore told them. "But first, you'll need a change of clothes."

Dumbledore snapped his fingers, and in a flash of light they had a change of clothing! Kletus wore a coat, with a little armor shoulder pad, and boots. Annabel had a bright white cloak, and a long white detailed staff with a shimmering ball of light inside a cage of pieces of the staff. So, she kinda looked like Gandalf. Cole wore a long black cloak with a hood. He had black jeans, black shoes, and a black vest. Drawings of blue lightning were along the sleeves and down the black clothing around his waist that stretched to the floor. So he kinda looked like a member of Organization 13 with Severus Snapes cloak. Alice was wearing a red long trench coat with black swirl designs on it. Her coat was undone to show her Charlie Sheen "Winning!" shirt. Then she wore a large red hat with a feather. And her sword was sheathed at her side. She kinda resembled Van Helsing.

"Oh! Almost forgot!" Dumbledore exclaimed.

A dark metal staff appeared in Cole's hand. It was the staff Dumbledore had earlier!

"You tend to forget a lot." Cole said. "Maybe you have-"

"Fucking Alzheimer's!" interrupted Alice.

"Uh-huh?" Dumbledore said awkwardly.

Dumbledore held out his arm, Cole was the only one who didn't care, and held on to it. Everyone held each other's arms. And again were sucked into swirling darkness!

They all landed on hard ground. When they got up, then they realized where they were.

"Why the fuck are we in, China!?" Kletus asked loudly.

"Because," answered Dumbledore. "The Quidditch Games are in China!"

'That would explain all the Asians and Chinese restaurants.' Annabel thought.

"So how can the games be here?" asked Cole.

"What do you mean?"

"Wouldn't anyone notice a bunch of wizards flying around?"

"That's why we put it out in the countryside. We're not that stupid!"

"But you are a fucking STD herpes humping pedo bear!" said Alice.

"Will you stop swearing!?" demanded Dumbledore.

"No!" said Alice.

Then, once again, they were sucked into the darkness.

This time they landed on their feet. Except Cole and Kletus who still fell face first! When they senses returned, their hearing would have been destroyed! It was so loud! Hundreds of witches and wizards, and other magical creatures had pitched tents. Kletus watched a few sparkles fly in the air and turn into beautiful ladies with wings! Fairies.

"Wow!" exclaimed Cole.

"Yeah, wow!" agreed Alice.

Ahead, a giant coliseum stood in the midst of the crowds.

"So how do you build a coliseum for a few nights?" asked Annabel.

"It's a magical one." Dumbledore explained. "Once the games are over, it'll disappear. Then once the Ministry decides when the next are to be held, it'll just show up there!"

They continue walking towards the giant structure, while passing many tents. Some stopped to look at the odd group. But if you think about it, Dumbledore's walking with teenagers. Sounds dirty don't it?

The sun has nearly gone down, and the strands are nearly full of screaming fans!

"So who's playing?" asked Kletus.

"You are." Said Dumbledore.

"Fuck tit what?" Alice asked, surprised.

"Someone signed you all up." Dumbledore explained. "I wish I knew more. But you have no choice."

"So whose on our team?" asked Cole.

"You all, two hobos and Charlie Sheen."

"Wait! How can Kletus play?" Annabel added. "He's not a wizard!"

"He has wicken heritage. Charlie's hyped up on tiger blood, and we're short two players so we picked up a few wizard hobos."

"Since when do wizard hobos exist?" Alice asked.

"They were discovered in Ancient Greece…" Dumbledore went on.

"You're mom discovered grease that's why she's so fat!" Alice exclaimed.

"…" Dumbledore was speechless.

"Okay, anyways…" Annabel said.

"Well, now that you're in uniform, it's time to apparate to the tournament, my champions!" Dumbledore informed us.

"Hell yeah!" Kletus screamed excitedly.

Dumbledore stood awfully close to us. His wizarding robes rustled in the wind. "It's time. Grab my magic cock- I mean, my arm…" he said as he raised his arm for us to hold onto. Cole looked down and noticed a mysterious object protruding at the fabric near Dumbledore's crotch. He clearly had an erection.

"Oh hell no…" Cole muttered as his eyes widened.

"Didn't we already apparate?" asked Kletus. "Cause we're all her right now."

"Danielle's right, you do have fucking Alzheimer's!" said Annabel.

"Oh little boy fuck!" yelled Dumbledore.

Awkward silence.

"…What?" Kletus said his jaw dropping.

"Oh, um, yes. We all are already here!" Dumbledore quickly recovered.

"Yeah…" Annabel murmured.

Suddenly, we appeared at the bottom of the Quidditch pit on the grass!

"Holy pissy crank lobster skank!" Alice yelled, amazed at all the magic brooms and other equipment lying in front of them lined up.

"Epic brooms!" Cole said.

"Now just hold out your hands, and your brooms will come to you." Said Dumbledore.

So they held out their hands, and the swooshed into them! Kletus got a "Nimbus Over 9000!". Annabel had a "Light Speed" broom model. And Cole received a "Dark Lightning" model. Then Kletus wasn't given a broom, but had his sword increased in size until it was like a hover board! They mounted their brooms/swords and zoomed off! And then Kletus and Alice fell off. While Alexxa floated gently watching Cole spiral out of control, zigzagging in all directions!

"How, do , I, make, this, thing, stoOoOoOop!?" cried as he flew up and down.

"I don't know what you're doing wrong." Said Annabel. "Cause I'm doing fine." Suddenly, Annabel flipped upside down!

"We're doomed." Dumbledore mumbled.

Cole then got a steady hold on his broom, "Yes! I have mastered the broom!"

Kletus got a steady balance on his hover sword thingy. But then got crushed by a person who fell out of the stands!

"Kletus! Are you okay!?" asked Alice.

"Yes. I am. Thanks for asking." Said Charlie Sheen, who lied un-top of Kletus.

"I was talking to Kletus, not a fucktard who's drunk on tiger blood!"

"Yeah, but I'm still winning!"

Suddenly, a horn was blown, signalling the match was to soon begin! The fans cheered as the friends gained control of their brooms and hovered in front of their three goal posts. Along with Charlie Sheen and two wizard hobos.

"So who are we playing against?" asked Alice.

Suddenly, on a lightsaber broom, appeared Darth Vader and Storm Troopers!

"Oh shit!" Cole exclaimed.

"We will destroy you all!" said Darth Vader.

Suddenly, an old man, the referee, let loose the blugder, and Quafel. Then Annabel and Alice each held a bat! Kletus and the two wizard hobos sped off after the quafel. Leaving Cole to go after the snitch. But so was Vader.

"Cole, I am your father." He said, like in star wars 5.

"If you were, you'd best leave now before I kick your ass!"

"Oooo! Someone has daddy issues!"

"No dad don't!"

"You just said dad."

"No I dadn't!" Didn't! Fuck your turtle pussy face!"

"And apparently some mental issues!"

And they're off, as the snitch flew past them. One storm trooper flew up to Annabel and said, "Hey. You busy later?" he asked creepily.

"Fuck off you pedo shit head douche lard!" yelled Annabel as she hit him in the balls with her bat, and watched him fall off his broom! Alice was whacking the Blugder everywhere like a psycho! Kletus chased another storm trooper with the Quafel. It threw the Quafel at the tallest goalpost, but was blocked by Charlie Sheen!

"Winning!" he cheered.

Kletus quickly took the ball, and flew off towards the opponents goalposts. Cole flew by screaming fans, trying to catch the snitch. One of the fans looked really familiar… Suddenly Vader catches up to him! And he starts to shove him into the stands! Cole desperately reaches out to grab the snitch. Vader gives one more shove, and Cole gets knocked into the stands! He maneuvers out, nearly grabs the snitch when Vader uses the force to knock him forward off his broom! Alnnabel sees this, pulls out her wand and yells, "Wingardium Leviosa!"

Cole abruptly stops centimetres before he hits the ground! He gets up on his feet, held out his hand to show he caught the golden snitch! The crowd goes wild!

Suddenly, a flash of green, and then a skull with a snake in its mouth appears in the sky above! Black columns of smoke descended upon the crowd! Everyone begins to scream and run away! Some disapparated. Vader lands in front of Cole, while Annabel and Kletus were chased by the Death Eaters, and Alice was dueling another Death Eater!

Cole took out his wand and staff, and quickly dodged Vader's force push! Alice blasted fire out of her wand, and her attacker was burned alive! Annabel use defensive spells to protect herself and Kletus! While he landed and engaged with Vader, who quickly pulled out his lightsaber! Kletus's sword surprisingly didn't get sliced by Vader's lightsaber! Kletus and Vader clashed furiously, trying to end the others life. Alice yelled, "Pertrificus Totalis!"

Vader immediately froze, before he could bring his saber down on Kletus!

"We need to leave, now!" ordered Annabel.

They all headed to the stands, ran through the screaming crowd, and fought for their lives. Suddenly, Charlie Sheen burst through a group of Death Eaters, beating them violently with his broom stick! "You'll never win against us, because I'm FUCKING WINNING!" Charlie shrieked as he cracked the broom over a Death Eaters head, knocking him unconscious.

"Fuck yeah!" he yelled victoriously.

"Wooo!" Annabel cheered Charlie on.

After a quick distraction, they ditched the Quidditch Pit. Kletus ran through a door, and the others followed. They ran down a few stairs, into a hallway, and through another door, up more stairs. And into a long, round, corridor. Torches hung on the wall, casting shadows in many places.

"Where the donkey dildo tit fuck do we go now!?" asked Alice.

"This way!" Annabel said as she charged down the hall on their right.

They continued to run, hearing people screaming and explosions outside. Soon, they came upon a cage, full of… Hippogriffs!? Only they were all weak, and looked tired and sad.

"Guys," said Kletus, stopping in front of the cage. The others ran back to see inside the cage.

"Depressing." Said Cole. "Now let's go!"

Suddenly, Kletus took his sword, and cut off the lock on the cage! All the hippogriffs ran through the hallways. But one stayed behind, and it nudged Kletus in the shoulder with its beak.

"I think he likes you." Said Annabel.

"No you!" Alice back fired.

"I'll name you, Theppy!" Kletus said excitedly.

The Hippogriff swayed its tail back and forth, letting it brush his tail on the ground.

"Let's get the hell out of here!" screeched Cole as he grabbed our arms and began pulling us forward. Theppy followed behind us in a protective stance. While we were watching the front, Theppy was watching behind us for any danger. All of us made our way into one of the tents, then burst through the other side out into the open. Around us, Death Eaters were shooting spells across the air. Most of the wizarding hobos were able to fight them off pretty well, when suddenly Charlie Sheen flew through the clouds on his broomstick. He zoomed across the field and pointed his wand at a Death Eater, "Pertrificus Totalis!" Charlie boomed. The spell collided with the dark evil wizard and he fell off his broom, plummeting to the ground!

"Still winning bitches!" he cheered.

Annabel quickly grabbed our hands, and Kletus grabbed onto Theppy and mounted him, while the others ran. Suddenly, Death Eaters flew around them, and began to attack! Alice jumped on top of a tent, and with a wave of her wand, she flung columns of fire at two Death Eaters! Annabel created a shield around her and Cole as one Death Eater shot the killing curse at them! Cole looked up and saw Kletus on Theppy, being chased by a Death Eater!

"Exspelliarmus!" he shouted.

The Death Eater countered, and their spells connected. Creating a ball of light between them. Alice shot that dumb bitch out of the air! Kletus flew Theppy down, Annabel and Cole and Alice hopped on.

"What the fuck do we do now!?" cried Alice.

"Hold on! I have an idea!" Cole yelled.

And with a 'pop', they disapparated.

There will be more in the coming Chapter 4- Baby, It's Friday

And yes, we will see Charlie Sheen again!


	4. Chapter 4- Baby, It's Friday!

I own nothing except Cole, Alice, Annabel, Kletus, and Sam.

Chapter 4- Baby, It's Friday

Swirling, twirling darkness. Then, they crashed! Falling on to hard cement! "Ow!" yelled Kletus. Mostly since Annabel landed on top of him. "Sorry Matt." She apologized.

"It's okay." He said. "But could you get off, now?" Kletus's voice started going soprano. "You kinda got your knee in my nuts!"

As Annabel got off Kletus, and he tried to find his balls, Alice noticed Cole was missing!

"Guys, where the pussy slam bam is Cole!?"

Suddenly, Cole came bursting out of the Hog's Head, with dust in his hair. And a six pack of… Butterbeer?

"Either you got old tit crust in your hair, or you… just have old tit crust, plain and simple!" said Annabel.

"Oh really?" asked Cole sarcastically. "Well, I crashed and sto- 'borrowed' a load of Butterbeer!"

"Butterbeer?" Annabel wondered. "Oh my fucking god! We're in Hogsmeade!"

"Hippogriff!?" cried Alice, waving her arms around.

Theppy flew down, and landed beside Kletus. Then, randomly, Dumbledore partied in front of them? And was… drunk off his ass!

"Hello wizard bitches!" he said, stumbling over his words. "That was a close call! L-luckily, no one di-, died. Except a few ass Asians. But wha- whatever!"

"You raped them first!" said Alice.

"You can't prove it. But fuck yeah!"

"So what do we do next?" asked a disgusted Annabel.

"You must, I must ra-, I don't even!" stumbled the old pedo. "Oh yeah! Incest, I mean, intel tells us that some heroes have fallen under the power of that ugly, batty, bitch whore Maleificent! Find them, and set them in my pants, I mean, free!"

"Let's get wasted!" Kletus screamed.

"Hold on!" said Annabel. She walked up to Dumbledore.

"Sorry, I only go for boys." He said.

"Well then, a girl is going to touch in a place they've never had before!" Then, in a split second, Annabel kicked Dumbledore square in the nuts!

"Holy shit!" exclaimed Kletus.

"There ain't nothing 'holy' about shit." Said Cole. "Unless God took a crap!"

"Now let's get drunk as fuck!"

After having Butterbeer, and 'borrowing' some more, the four friends asked, "Where the fuck do we go!?" to Dumbledore.

He only said, "Stanley Park." Because he was still lying on the ground, holding on to his now officially crippled testies! "My sacred sack of golden snitches!" Dumbledore moaned while on the ground.

"Your balls were probably as old and crusty as a moldy loaf of bread, you barnacle sucking bastard!" Alice smirked.

"Shall me?" asked Cole. He meant to say "Shall we?" but he's drunk as fuck! And with a 'pop', they disapparated from Hogsmeade. During which Kletus laughed, and Anabel yelled, "Whoo hoo!"

Spinning out of control, Cole forgot they needed to land. Instead, they crashed! Again! This time in water! They splashed, and splooshed (I think that's a word?) in the water. Cole splashed and said, "Look at me! I'm Harry Fucktard!"

Kletus swam around him saying, "And I'm Faget Diggory! Let's save our friends from fucking turkey mermaid cocks!"

"Just like the bi-wizard tournament!" yelled Annabel with glee.

"Isn't it Tri-wizard?" asked Cole.

"NO!" yelled Alice, as she splashed everyone!

Then Annabel accidently swam into a dolphin!? "Watch where your swimming!" it said in her mind.

"Whaaa?" she said drunkenly. "Wow I must be really, really…" Annabel paused cause she forgot what she was gonna say.

"Drunk?" the dolphin finished for her. "And yes, you can communicate with animals! You're a white mage, what did you expect? You all each have a special ability, but you have to find them on your own!" it explained.

"So, like… so, like…. W-where are we?"

"Vancouver Aquarium. In Canada!"

Indeed, they were in the middle of the dolphin tank! The others were too drunk and wasted to notice the crowd of shocked people watching them!

"Holy sea-whore nipple sausages!" Cole exclaimed as he splashed in the water.

"You guys are really drunk," said the dolphin. "Time to counter that right now!" In seonds, each of them began to glow! "Fucking undrunkness!" the dolphin screeched. And with that, each of them were out of their drunken stages!

"Oh tit ass cum! A dolphin wizard!" cried Kletus.

Suddenly, all the people started running around screaming, "Demented dolphins!" "People appeared in the tank out of nowhere!" and "I pissed myself laughing when that guy made fun of Cedric Diggory!"

The friends climbed out of the tank. Alice took out her wand, and dryed everyone off with a giant gust of wind!

"Hey, where's Theppy?" asked Kletus.

A scream came from inside the aquarium! They rushed in and saw Theppy, swimming in the giant glass fish tank!

"What the flying plidoodle fuck!?" said a very confused Alice.

Theppy swam down, and ate a fish. In Annabel's mind, she could hear Theppy say, "Nom nom nom nom!" "What is this I don't even…" she gasped.

"What is it Annabel?" Matt asked confused.

"Theppy is… eating fish!" She beamed.

"Impossible!" Kletus exclaimed.

"It's not impossible! After all, he is fucking half-bird you turban tornado tit twisting shitter!" Cole smirked.

"I know that, but I just didn't expect a Hippogriff to eat fish at the Vancouver Aquarium!" Kletus said.

"Meanwhile, we should get the roflwaffle out of here, bitches!" Alice cheered.

"Good idea!" Annabel agreed.

Kletus whistled with his fingers, and Theppy flew out of the tank and out a window!

"Come back here you bitch sucking, nutsack plank!" yelled Alice.

"No u!" countered Annabel.

"You dildo piss tit box!" Cole screamed at Theppy.

"I got this." Said Kletus. He brought his fingers to his mouth and whistled loudly. Suddenly, the hippogriff flew back to the group of young wizards and we became united.

"We need to leave right NOW!" Annabel snapped, and everyone apparated and disappeared in a white blur. They spun around, and around. Swirling and twirling in the grasp of magic. Then they crashed on to soft grass! But they were far from Hogwarts. Cole was the first to notice they had just landed outside of Stanley Park!

"Why have we not left Vancouver?" asked Kletus.

"What is this!? I don't even!" asked Alice.

Suddenly, an evil laugh came from nowhere! Then, a man in golden armor appeared behind them! Vancouver city stretched out behind him.

"So you are the legendary heroes I've been informed of?" he wondered. A long staff was held in his hand. "I guess I was told wrong. You are merely children!"

"You're the Emperor!" Cole realized. And yes he was The Emperor from Final Fantasy Two!

"You are correct." The Emperor said.

"Great pussy piss bag!" exclaimed Annabel.

Everyone looked at her weirdly. "Awkward!" said Alice.

"No u!" Kletus trolled.

"Quite the exquisite vocabulary you have." Said a disgusted Emperor. "You're probably still wandering why you haven't left this city yet?" he asked them.

"Why should we care?" asked Cole.

"Hmph! The Black Mage defies me? Very well then. You can't leave, because this is where the worlds shall collide! A door will open soon, and the darkness from every world will flock here!"

"Not after we open up a can of whoop ass on you!" yelled Alice.

"Come now my warriors!" shouted the Emperor.

Out of nowhere, five dark portals opened up! From them stepped forth, five figures radiating with darkness! Almost immediately, they recognized them.

"Cloud!?" exclaimed Cole. "And Squall!?"

"Lightning!?" asked Kletus.

"Onion Knight!?" asked Alice.

"Terra!?" cried Annabel.

"STOP!" came a yell.

Suddenly, The Emperor and the darkened warriors were engulfed in smoke! Shurikens flew through the air, and were aimed at the Emperor! Unfortunately, Cloud used his big ass sword to deflect them.

"We meet again, my lady." The Emperor said calmly.

A puff of smoke appeared between the good guys and the bad guys! And from the smoke emerged a teen girl, with two sai's, and shurikens and smoke bombs at her belt. Alice knew who she was! A friend of theirs back from school!

"SAM!?" she exclaimed.

"Hello fellow bitches!" Sam beamed at them.

"Douche twizzling dildo rocket!" Kletus exclaimed.

"What are you doing here Shandra!?" Annabel asked.

"I'm here for the Emperor, as he wished." Sam smiled at him. In return, he smiled back.

"What a fucking creeper!" said Cole.

"JK! JK!" laughed Sam. "He's too much a faget for me!"

"Enough!" shouted the Emperor.

"Bitch wanna go!?" Sam smirked at him.

"I will not challenge you, not yet." The Emperor grinned.

"Stuff it, you sock puppet scrotum pirate!" Cole remarked.

"Yeah buddy!" Alice cheered

"Quit with the swears!" The Emperor roared. We all fell silent. "One more outburst and you'll be dead!"

Annabel shuffled her feet a bit and held Kletus's hand. Theppy was hovering around the area in case we were under attack, and Cole and ALice stood close to their friends.

"Well then…" said Kletus. "OBJECTION!" he shouted, pointing his finger at the Emperor.

"Over ruled!" The Emperor countered.

The fallen warriors charged at the group! Kletus clashed with Lightning, protecting Annabel as she shot meteors from her wand to intercept Terra! Cole transformed his staff into a sword, but had a tough time blocking Clouds big ass buster sword!

"Tit sucking toaster!" immediately, ALice swished around her wand in a circular motion and summoned a rapid tornado of toasters!?

"Holy turban tornado tit twisting bitch barn Barbie banker boomerang butt bomber!" Kletus exclaimed, flailing his arms around.

"Good idea!" Alice said as she created turbans in the tornado! The turbans flew around them swiftly and ended up attacking the Emperor!

"AH! Mother fucker!" he screamed, running from the tit sucking toaster turban tornado!

"Aww yeah!" Alice cheered.

Then, The Onion Knight charged Alice! She used her sword to block him, and with a swing she sent a wall of flame at Onion Knight! Sam used her two sai's to use against Squall's bad ass gun blade! Lightning tried to shoot Kletus, but was failed by Cole using his free hand to use "Protego your ass!"

"Bring it Onion Bitch!" Alice screeched. The Onion Knight tried to fight away the flames, but it was impossible! "Don't fuck with me, you onion ring bastard!"

The wall of flame swooshed by Annabel and Terra! Annabel pointed her wand at the inferno and waved it above her head saying, "Fucking pizza rooftop queef sewer sauce ass licker!"

Terra took water from the bridges underside to deflect it. Annabel wished she could cast a strong light, when she suddenly felt hot energy rush through her! "Oh fuck yeah!" Annabel pointed her wand at Terra and released the light energy inside her. Terra was blasted out of the air, and knocked all the way across the bridge! Then she crashed into the 5th floor of a tall building!

"Hell yeah!" Annabel cheered.

Suddenly, a random-ass baby stroller rolled in. We all stood in confusion. Justin Beiber popped out of it while Matts eyes went wide.

"Still prepubescent as ever I see." Cole grinned.

"I know you love me, I know you care!" Justin began to sing.

"Taco to the fucking no!" Alice yelled and shook her head.

Then things got better and worse. Because, and we don't know why, Rebecca Black came in driving a semi-truck and singing to her own song, "Friday, Friday, Gonna have some fun on Friday!"

"Shut up bitch dilhole pussy fluid guzzler!" Sam shouted as she chucked a shuriken at her! It hit her right between the eyes, and the semi began to careen out of control! Yet the semi carries a fucking volcano!? Rebecca Black smashed her face into the window of the semi-truck! She fell onto the hood and rolled off the front of the vehicle! Most of us stood still and were completely silent. Rebecca fell under the semi and hit the ground! The truck rolled away and crashed into some random shit! Her long saggy, wrinkled tits collided with the cement! Amongst the mess, we managed to see her tit hair pouring out of her ripped shirt. The volcano tipped over, and lava flooded out onto the streets of Vancouver!

"Does this stuff happen to you all the time?" the Emperor asked.

"Since this yesterday morning yeah." Said Kletus.

"NO!" yelled Alice as she shot wizard fire and lightning at The Emperor! Sending him into the wave of lava!

"Danielle!" Shrieked Annabel. "You are so violent!"

"And I was like Baby, Baby, Baby, NOOOO!" Justin screamed like a little girl as Cole grabbed the stroller he was in straight at the lava! "Take this dildo bitch!" Cole yelled.

Kletus went to wreckage and sliced off Rebecca Blacks hairy sasquatch tits. And threw them at the Emperors smoldering body! With the Emperor dead, the spell over the warriors was gone!

Next Up- Chapter 5! Get ready! It's gonna be…unforgettable!


	5. Chapter 5- Fuck Scotty's Baby Face

I Own Nothing Except Cole, Alice, Annabel, Kletus, and Sam

Chapter 5- Fuck Scotty's Baby Face

After the big fight in Vancouver, we all woke up in the morning in a familiar place. It was Hogwarts, our home! While everyone was still groggy from a long nap, a shadow casted over us in the room.

"…uhh?" Annabel murmured under her breath.

"Good morning fellow champions!" Dumbledore smiled at us all. Our eyes widened to see that the slightly disturbed headmaster was standing over us. He was just wearing a G-string, nothing else!

"What the fucking fiddler!?" Cole gasped.

"I apologize if I disturbed you…" He stuttered. "But I just went for a morning dick- I mean dip in the lake." Dumbledore winked at us. All of us stood at once, scarred for life from Dumbledore's naked body! "Breakfast will be in the Great Hall. Hurry up and get changed before all the good whores-" he coughed. "Food, will be gone." Dumbledore corrected himself, then left the room.

"Does anyone know what everyone back home will think when they've noticed we're gone?" Annabel asked.

"IDK." Cole answered.

After they got cleaned up, and found some robes that were their size, they went into the Gryffindor common room. In there, to their surprise, they found Harry Potter sprawled across the couch in front of the fire wearing nothing but his birthday suit! With Ron Weasley being raped underneath him!

"Yeah! Fucking give it to me bitch!" Harry cried as he performed his act of incest.

"Oh bitch! More cushion for the pushin'!" Ron moaned as they fucked each other.

"My eyes!" Screamed Kletus, covering them with his hands.

"What is this I don't even!?" Cole freaked out.

As if it was bad enough that they were having sex, Dumbledore appeared in the room!

"Oooh, you sexy little boys!" He squealed.

Both Ron and Harry paused and stared at the old Headmaster. Harry grinned and said, "Get your wrinkly ass over here you man whore!" And with that, Dumbledore jumped on the couch with them and screwed Harry from behind.

"Whomp my fucking willow!" The Headmaster groaned as his old, long, grey pubics sagged to the floor.

"Uhhh…" said a disturbed Annabel. "Alice do you have anything to say, as always?"

For once, Alice didn't say anything!

"I guess, we'll be going then." Said Cole.

They slowly backed out of the room. When they got out, The Fat Lady asked, "Are they fucking in there again?"

"Again!?" asked Kletus.

Suddenly, Dumbledore shouted from inside "Bull's-eye!"

"Oh you got it everywhere!" cheered Harry.

"Ugh, yes! Wash me over in your white fountain of youth!" Ron screamed.

"Oh you little slut, ride my magic broomstick!" Dumbledore moaned loudly in the common room.

"Okay that's it!" Cole shouted. "Open up ya fat bitch!"

"Violent much!?" she said as she opened.

Cole walked in, while his friends waited outside. And in not even two seconds, Dumbledore said, "Hey there cutie pie!" Then Cole came out yelling! He ran down the stairs, flailing his arms screaming rape!

"Oh you little fucker, get your tight ass back here!" The Headmaster smirked.

"Yes, we need another addition for this orgy!" Ron exclaimed, then looked at the door and expected Kletus to come in.

"Oh hell no, back off bitches!" Annabel roared.

"Let's get the heck out of here!" Alice exclaimed.

"No you can't!" Dumbledore shouted and rushed out of the common room to meet us. Yet again, he was still naked. He whipped out his elder wand and flicked it at Cole! "Accio little boy fuck!" And with that, Cole was summoned to the top of the stairs. He squealed like a pig as the headmaster put him down! "I apologize for my… sex acts and outbursts that you've had to witness." Dumbledore shook his head.

"Is that your wand in your pocket or are you just excited to see me?" Harry chirped to Ron.

Dumbledore turned around and yelled, "Shut up Harry, you gutter whore cum dumpster bitch!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" screamed Cole. "I'm outta here!" Cole then jumped over the side of the stairs, and fell to the bottom floor!

"Oh shitter clown!" exclaimed Alice.

Then she, Annabel, and Kletus ran down the stairs. When they reached the bottom, they saw a huge human shaped hole in the ground!

"Cole are you okay?" Kletus called.

Suddenly, Cole sat right up and said, "WHAT DO YOU THINK!?"

Argus Filch, the schools creepy janitor, came down the stairs with his cat, Mrs. Norris, following behind. He looked from the friends to the hole in the floor. "I ain't cleaning this shit up." He said. He helped Cole up, who suddenly looked green! "Are you okay mate?" he asked.

"I think so." Cole replied.

Dumbledore appeared, and was still naked, "That was quite the fall there!" he said.

"Not good!" yelled Cole as he clutched his stomach, and vomited all over Filch! Then silence…..

"Awkward!" said Alice, again!

After leaving Filch to clean the mess, they all sat down at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall. Cole was advised to carry a bucket by Draco Malfoy. But Cole told him he would shove it up his vagina, vomit on him, and shove his head up Dumbledore's ass! Dumbledore was the only one that liked that idea. No surprise there! Kletus sat beside Annabel, while Alice and Cole sat on the other side. Loads of breakfast food was laid out before them. And at the staff table was a huge plasma screen TV playing American Idol. (This was made a few years back so the characters are watching season 10) Today was the Season 10 finale. All the wizards were voting for Lauren, Nobody liked Scotty.

"Lauren better win." Annabel said.

"I swear to God, if Scotty wins, I'll snap someone's neck!" said Alice.

"We-we-we are so violent!" laughed Cole.

"Trololololololololol!" Kletus shouted.

On the TV, Ryan Seacrest opened the envelope that will determine the winner. "And the winner," he began. "Of American Idol Season 10 is…. Scotty McCreery!"

The Great Hall erupted with screams, boo's, and wtf's! Wizards started shooting random spells everywhere! Even Professor McGonagall jumped on top of the staff table yelling, "God fucking dammit!"

"Guys," said Annabel. "We have to kill Scotty McCreery!"

"Hell yeah!" agreed Cole.

Just then Hermione Granger walked up to them. "Hey." She said.

"Hello!" Cole said looking at her tits.

"I heard you say you're going to kill Scotty. Is it true?"

"Yes." Kletus said.

"Do you know why he won?" she asked them.

"Let me guess," said Alice. "He's a wizard too?"

"Actually, he's a hillbilly wizard. They're a tricky lot!"

"He's probably still in LA." Annabel mentioned.

"Here, I snuck these from Dumbledore." Hermione said as she handed them each a palm sized glittering red orb.

"Holy shit!" exclaimed Cole. "These are summonstones! Like the ones from Final Fantasy!"

"Yes. But you can only use them three times. On the plus side, you can summon anything you want!"

"Oh fuck yeah!" Alice.

"But how are we going to get to Los Angeles?" asked Kletus.

"I've been there before actually." Said Hermione. "I could take you there by apparition."

"Sweetness!" said Cole.

"So I guess we should get going then." Said Annabel.

Alice agreed, "Yeah. 'Cause people here are getting really violent!" she said as a Confundus charm flew past her head and hit a Ravenclaw student!

"Grab hold everyone!" said Hermione.

They took her hands, held tight, and were gone!

As usual, Kletus and Cole crashed, while the girls landed on their feet. But they realized something, they were standing on top of the hill with the Hollywood letters, in the middle of an outdoor prom!

"Uh-oh." Said Annabel as Kletus and Cole slowly got up.

The DJ was frozen with shock, as were the dancers who were enjoying the prom dance. "Hey guys!" said the DJ. "It's Hermione!" Suddenly, the people started cheering and laughing for Hermione? The DJ started playing Brittany Spears's "Till the world ends."

"You know these guys?" Kletus asked Hermione.

She looked at them , and blushed. "There were a few nights, and I, uh…"

"Bucket of Bitches!" Alice exclaimed and threw a random bucket at Hermione that seemed to appear from nowhere!

"Okay then…" Hermione said.

"Whore." Cole scoffed. "And just when I thought you were the only normal wizard!"

"Well I'm sorry my boyfriend is having sex with a pedo and an abused orphan!" Hermione yelled.

"Let's just go kill Scotty alright?" suggested Annabel. "Well, not really kill him. Just beat him to the point where he can no longer sing! ….Or breathe."

"With a damn magic flute!" Alice suggested.

And with that, the three wizards and Trolly Knight apparated with a snap to go find the American Idol winner, Scotty McFlutesucker! When they arrived, they were in the redneck South on a farm. "What the cucumber walnut piss is this?" Cole said as he frantically his arms.

"We must be on Scotty's family's land." Annabel reassured him.

"Shits going down bitches!" Kletus cheered.

Alice smirked and suggested that they begin investigating. The group of them began to walk across the field that was incredibly long.

"It's quiet." Annabel murmured.

"Too quiet for anyone to get an erection!" Cole blurted. Kletus turned to stare at him and give him a 'what the fuck' look.

"Okay then… anyways, lets continue." Annabel said and kept walking. Alice walked beside her and the boys walked behind them. Suddenly, they appeared at the family's house.

"Time to break shit!" Cole exclaimed.

"Wands and swords at the ready." Annabel commanded.

All of us took out our weapons as we approached the front door. Just as Alice was going to knock, the door opened and a lady appeared!

"How may I help you young children?" The lady asked. She must have been their house-maid because she was wearing a very slutty costume.

"We're looking for.. Scotty." Kletus stuttered.

"Oh, of course! You must be his little friends since you're carrying plastic kids toys like those wands and that sword of yours." She smiled.

"They're real, you stupid leathery hoebag!" Cole snapped.

"Excuse me!?" The slutty maid exclaimed.

"Oh nothing. Now where is Scotty?" Annabel interrupted.

"He's in the barn. I'll bring snacks and juice for you kids later." She grinned.

"Okay, thanks…?" Kletus shook his head and walked down the front steps. When we were near the barn, the doors were shut and there were two bananas outside inside a pair of pants. "This is really fucked up." Alice said.

"I agree!" Annabel shrugged.

Outside the barn, we could hear moaning that was coming from the inside. "Uhh…" Kletus murmured.

"Life is like sucking cow nipples, tickle tickle!" We heard Scotty say.

"Do we really want to go in?" asked Alice.

"We have to, unfortunately." Said Cole.

"Let's go!" shouted Kletus as he swatted the two doors off their hinges with his sword! Inside was Scotty lying on top of his sister. Who evidently was wearing a cow costume that had holes for her boobs to fall out!

"What the fuck is wrong with the world today!?" asked Annabel.

"Oh look Scotty. Oh yeah!" said his sister while he thrusted into her. "The wizards… Mmmm… are here!"

"Well howdiiiiiee there!" Scotty McFucker said as he finished.

Cole got really green! Annabel covered her eyes, while Kletus and Alice gave a 'WTF' look at the incest siblings. Then Cole wheezed, "Oh god! It's Dumbledore all over again!" Then he vomited on a pig! "Oink!" it squeaked. Annabel heard it in its mind say, "Ewww! What the fuck man!?"

Scotty zipped up his pants, and said, "So you finally show up. About fucking time too!" He wiped out his wand(Not his dick!) and shot a Confundus charm at them! Annabel quickly shouted, "Protego!" A magical see through shield appeared in front of the wizards! "Not this time you son of centaurs dick!" Alice cheered as the spell rebounded off the shield Annabel had summoned! Scotty cursed under his breath and tightly held onto his magic flute microphone wand… thing. He then turned and ran out of the barn! "Oh walnut nipple sauce!" Cole yelled and pursued after the flute sucker.

"Get back here!" Annabel exclaimed as she followed them with Kletus and Alice beside her. Kletus whipped out his Sword of Trololol and pointed the tip at Scotty's genital area and said, "Cock chop!" And with that, a beam of light had hit Scotty and caused him to fall down onto the grass in a mangled heap. "Accio magic flute wand!" Alice casted and caught it as it flew into her hand. "Aw yeah bitches!"

"God damn it!" Scotty screamed in rage and sent massive boulders of rock at them! Cole jumped in front, and shot volts of blue lightning from his staff! The impact shattered the boulders, and Scotty's face went red! "Alright then," he shouted. "Let's do this country style!" The barn around them began to fall apart! The sky began to darken, tornadoes began spinning in the air! Gently touching the earth, before ripping everything in their path to shreds! "Oh shit!" said Kletus.

Then Scotty's sister dissolved away to a horribly familiar face to any Harry Potter fan! Her tangled dark hair spun in the out-of-control wind. The black dress she wore flapped about. "Bellatrix Lestrange?!" Annabel shrieked.

"Hello there, babies." Bellatrix said in a high pitched voice.

"So you're in league with the darkness then Scotty?" asked Cole.

"No shit Sherlock!" Alice shouted.

Bellatrix waved her wand, and Scotty's magical flute microphone came back to him. Bellatrix cackled with laughter, "The Dark Lord wants you four and Potter boy alive! Then the others will destroy you!"

"Others?" asked Kletus.

"Yeah." Said Scotty. "All the Dark Lords had a battle to determine whose the best. Voldemort ranked number three. There are thirteen, and The Emperor was that number."

"Like Organization 13." Cole stated.

"Oooo!" mocked Bellatrix, a little impressed. "Someone knows their stuff!" she smiled creepily at him.

"Oh hell no bitch!" shouted Cole. "I've already been raped once today, thank you!"

"Like it matters!" Scotty scoffed.

"What the fuck are you talking about you abortion monkey?" asked Alice.

"Plan A failed in Vancouver." Scotty explained. "So Plan B will be New York, within a weeks' time!"

Bellatrix shot curses at them! Annabel quickly blocked them with magic! Kletus and Cole charged at Scotty who tried to run away! "Get back here you greasy haired banana pants cunt licking panty sniffer!" Cole yelled at him.

Scotty shot rope out of his wand at the guys! Cole dodged, but Kletus got caught and tangled! "Kletus!" cried Annabel.

"Diffindo!" Cole said as the rope binding Matt was snipped.

Alice's spell smashed into Bellatrix's, creating a ball of light and power! Bolts of magic flung out in all directions from the two colliding spells! "Oh fuck yeah! Suck it bitch!" shouted Alice.

"Oh shut up will you!?" Bellatrix shrieked at her.

"No you!" countered Alexxa as she casted her spell to join Alice's!

"Not fair!" whined Bellatrix.

"Don't mess with us fucking wizards!" said Alice.

She and Annabel raised their wands above their heads, and whipped all their magic at Bellatrix! Overwhelmed by force, the crazy bitch's magic rebounded and then she went flying through the air and vanished!

"Yeah buddy!" cheered Annabel.

Cole and Kletus continued to fight against Scotty! Cole turned his staff into a sword while helping Kletus. Scotty had his magic faget flute microphone wand thingy turn into a sword as well! He swung a great arc towards Kletus! But Cole blocked it while Kletus somersaulted over their heads and swept Scotty off his feet! Cole attempted to stab his stupid baby face, but he rolled out of the way. Scotty jumped up to his feet, and tapped on the shoulder. He was dumb enough to turn around, and get punched to the ground by Alice!

"Die you baby faced faget!" she screamed, as she took his cock flute and started beating him with it! She beated his until he started bleeding! Then she bashed him even harder! Alice knocked his teeth out, and gave him a black eye! Scotty cried and screamed for her to stop! But after two minutes of brutal violence, Scotty's face was completely sunken in!

Scotty McCreery was dead.

"Congratulations!" said a voice.

"What the fuck!?" Cole said as he saw a random man beside him! He had rotten flesh and one eye!

"What is it Cole?" asked Annabel.

"Don't you guys see him!?"

Kletus said, "No."

"You're on fucking crack you whore!" shouted Alice randomly.

Then the zombie guy said, "They can't see me Cole."

"How the hell do you know my name!?" Cole started freaking out.

"You can see dead people!" said the dead man. "And everyone in the afterlife knows about you!"

"Oh great." Cole said sarcastically. "Guys I can see dead people!"

"Oh god!" exclaimed Alice.

"You guys need to leave. Now!" said the dead guy. "That crazy whore touched that tattoo on her arm and I suddenly felt a chill!"

"Wait a second." Cole began to think, then the skies began to shake with thunder! "Oh fuck! Kletus call Theppy! No! Never mind! Everyone hold on!"

Suddenly, wisps of smoke were seen heading right for them! The one at the front had pale skin, red eyes, slits for nostrils, and a white wand. Voldemort had arrived!

"Here we go!" Cole shouted.

Then they were sucked into crushing darkness. On their way to where ever, the last thing they heard was Voldemort screaming with rage!

"Puff the magic penis!" Cole sang as they travelled.

"Really Cole?" asked Annabel.


	6. Chapter 6- Grand Theft Wizard

I Do Not Own Anything Except Cole, Alice, Annabel, Sam, and Kletus

Chapter 6- Grand Theft Wizard

When we finished apparating, we realized that we were back in England. It was cloudy out and the rain started to pour. After crashing, the friends realized they crashed in front of Buckingham Palace! "Oh shit tit twisting banana plopper!" Daine exclaimed. "We're on royal private property!"

"Shrimp ass hobo sluts!" Alice gasped as she looked around.

"Who are you four chaps?" asked a voice.

They looked around, and saw up on the balcony, the Queen of England!

"Umm... hi there, your majesty." Annabel said first.

"Cole, think of something!" ordered Kletus.

"Uhh... " Cole stuttered. "So... lovely weather we are having today?"

"Excuse me?" asked the Queen with one eye brow raised.

"You heard him ya wrinkly Queef of England!" yelled Kletus.

"WHAT!?" The Queen screamed.

Cole whispered to Kletus, "Dude, she's one of the most powerful people in the world. Now would be a good time to shut up!"

"I agree," Alice said. "We apologize dear Queen."

"Apology accepted." The Queen smiled at us. "Now, what might you be doing on Royal property?" she asked politely.

"We're on a... Quest." Annabel mentioned randomly.

"Well, you four children are allowed to stay the night, or as long as you wish." The Queen said.

"Oh yes diddly wink dink fucker!" Alice beamed.

The Queen stared at them awkwardly. "Okay.. well, come along now. I'll tell the guards to let you in." She said and disappeared inside.

"What a nice lady!" Cole exclaimed.

"I wonder if she's related to Queen LaQueefa!" wondered Alice.

Later on, the four champions wandered around the palace. A guard met them in a long hallway and stopped them in their path. "You all are invited to dinner. Dress nicely, the Queen said there's a very special guest." They accepted the offer, and the guard walked away.

"I ponder on who this guest is..." Cole mumbled.

"Nobody gives a shit!" said Alice.

They wandered through the courtyard, and decided to go through a random door. A long hallway streched out before them. As the friends wandered along, Cole ran ahead to the end of the hall, and disappeared around the corner. They ran after him, and saw Cole run up a large set of stairs. When they caught up to him, he had already pushed open a huge metal door. Inside was a large room, with a long table, several chairs, and a great glass chandlier above. "Kick ass!" Kletus said.

"Wait a minute you guys!" Annabel shouted abruptly. "All the bad guys are going to invade New York in 6 days! And we stil need to find a new American Idol!"

"James." said Alice.

"We'll get Lauren a record contract." Cole added.

"And Haley can fuck herself!" Kletus said.

"She already did that twice, rofl." Alice laughed.

A door on the other side of the room opene, and the Queen entered. Followed by Snape and Death Eaters! "Stupefy!" Daine shouted. A red bolt shot fom his wand, Snape deflected it and shot it back. Cole fell over, momentarily stunned! The doors behind them closed and locked! "Please," said Snape. "Have a seat." After helping Cole up, they all sat down. Alice sat beside Annabel across from the boys. Snape sat at the head of the table. The Queen sat beside him, guarded by a hooded figure. Then two more people came in. Will and Kate.

"'Ello everyone." said Will.

"Hello cousin." replied Snape.

"Rapist say what?" Alice asked.

"They are related litle girl. You should listen more." said the Queen.

"Shut it you wrinkly skank!"

"LOL!" Cole giggled.

"Do not talk that way to my auntie!" shouted Snape.

"Uh-huh." said Kletus. "So i guess you live hear then Snape?"

"Oh yes." said Kate as she sat down.

"No one asked you bitch!" snapped Cole.

"My my. What bad language we have!" hissed William.

"My my, looks like nobody gives a fuckng fiddler!" Alice boomed back at him.

"So..." began Annabel. "Where do you live here?"

"The attic." Snape said nazely.

"Why yes." said the stupid Queef. "Severusy plays doctor and patient with Will and Harry."

Cole thought, "Now where have we heard that before!?"

"With a couple of vampire fagets!" Alice said... in his head!

"How long have you been able to do that!?" asked Cole.

"A while." Alice smirked. "I could only read Kletus's thoughts. And there's nothing in there except Nyan Cat!"

"Ah, fuck Nyan Cat!" shouted Cole.

Everyone froze and stared at him! The Queef and Snape looked confused, while Will made out with Kate. Matt seemed to know what was going on.

"Hey Alice," thought Cole. "Use your new powers to talk to the others."

"Why?" she thought.

"I have a plan!"

"Oh god!"

Kate asked, "So where's Charlie?"

"Didn't i just tell you to shut your fucking face, ya mentally challenged bitch!?" yelled Cole.

"Yeah Kate!" said Will?

"WILLIAM!?" Kate cried, shocked.

"He's a wizard! You don't ever piss off a wizard!" William cursed at her.

"Wizard? What?" Kate stuttered in disbelief, then continued to say, "Whatever he is, i don't give a shit! You do not talk to me that way, William!" The Duchess screeched at her husband.

"Violence!" Annabel exclaimed and went wide eyed.

Will yelled, "I will talk to you whichever way i want to, you stupid skank! Go suck a guards cock!" The Queef of England gasped in horror!

Kate broke down crying, "I want a divorce! RIGHT NOW!" she screamed loudly.

"Both of you be quiet!" Snape exploded randomly. "We're going to have a nice dinner, party, eat some cake, celebrate my birthday, and you'll all fuckng enjoy it!" Everyone in the room fell silent; Even Kate stopped with her whiney bitch moaning.

"Now, now. Everyone calm down. We don't need to be violent or hurt anyones feelings." Kletus stated. Most of the guests nodded their heads in agreement.

"NO!" Alice suddenly yelled and grabbed a glass vase from the table, then violently threw it across the room! It smashed against against a wall and little shards went everywhere!

"Oh dear.." Cole muttered, then quickly came up with an explanaition. "That was the sign to start this dinner party!"

"Thank you young child. You are all so well-behaved and polite." The Queen smiled gracefully. "Everyone, presume to your seats."

Even after fighting, William and Kate sat side by side. Snape took up his seat and snapped his fingers. "Sevants, clean up the mess of glass and bring out the food. Shits about to go down!" he grinned widely.

Then a couple of retarded servants came out. They all had food and a cake. "Ready guys?" Cole whispered to his friends. They all nodded.

"Oh sevy baby look!" said the Queef. "It's your favourite cake!"

"Shut up skank!" snapped Snape.

"Severus! How dare you!" The Queef became outraged.

"THIS IS A NICE DINNER PARTY!" Prince Harry screamed, slamming his fists on the table!

"Brother, calm down!" William screamed at him.

When the servants of downsyndrome put the cake on the table, Cole shouted, "Now!" Then the friends got up, pushing over their chairs, and shouted, "Happy Birthday TO THE GROUND!" They pointed their wands at the cake, and it flew off the table! To the ground! "Oh you little fuckers!" Snape cried, putting his hands under the table, and violently flipped it over! "Bicthass!" Alice yelled at him.

"Severus, you calm down this instant!" Prince Harry threw his arms up in the air.

"Shut up you whore!" William yelled at his brother.

"That's it!" yelled Snape. He shot stunning spells in all directions, and the Death Eaters started breaking shit! "Time to go Jack Sparrow!" shouted Cole, as he jumped ontop of the table that conviently landed on all fours!

"What the cock chop fucking moist mung shit is he doing now!?" wondered Alice, as she duelled with a Death Eater!

Cole rushed across the table, kicking food and glasses in the faces of Death Eaters. He shot at the window a 'Bombarda' spell. Glass shattered across the room. "I'll meet you at the gate!" Cole told them. Snape fired a spell at him, but it was deflected and snapped one of the ropes holding the chandlier! It swung around, Cole grabbed hold of it, and shifted his weight forward so the chandilier went towards the window! Suddenly, he jumpe and went right through! "You little bitch!" The Queen yelled as the flying wizard broke her expensive stain-glass window.

"Awe yeah!" Annabel cheered and sent a Death Eater flying through a doorway by casting 'Reducto'! On the other side of the room, Kletus was fighting Prince Harry with the Sword of Trololol! "You'll never win!" The Prince cursed at him.

"And you'll never have children because your genitals will be fucked!" Kletus said triumphantly and slashed the tip of his powerful sword at Harry while shouting, "COCK CHOP BITCH!" The Prince fell to the ground and Kletus took that oppurtunity to slice his tits off! "Oh crippled crumpets!" Harry moaned in excruciating pain, then saw his brother, Prince William, was nearby. "Brother, help me!" he begged his sibling. William stalled and looked at him, took out his fancy guards sword, then swiftly closed in on the Trolly Knight!

"Kletus, watch out!" Annabel shouted as William was only meters behind our fellow champion!

"I don't think so you royal pain in the ass!" Alice yelled and flicked her wand at hime shrieking, "Incarcerous!" The ropes wrapped around the Prince, and he was mangled up on the floor!

"We need to get out of here, right now!" Kletus exclaimed and ran to grab Annabel's hand. "Agreed!" She said and ran with him.

"See ya, dumb sluts!" Alice waved, and all three of the them escaped from Buckingham Palace! They met Cole at the gates and were exhausted. "That was a close one!" Annabel gasped.

"We better hurry, it won't take them that long to come out here and whoop our asses!" Kletus said.

"Where will we go now?" Cole asked.

Alice smirked, "...To the Weasleys!"

The four champions apparated in a bare, empty field in the middle of no where, where a very tall structure stood.

"The home of the Weasley's." Annabelsaid in awe.

"What're we doing here?" Kletus.

"We're just here to visit them.. and steal their car." Cole scoffed.

"Exactly, so lets get going, shall we?" Alice insisted.

As they approached the house, the front door opened very cautiously.

"Hello?" Mrs. Weasley said shakily; her wand was in her other hand at her side.

"Evening, ma'am." Kletus saluted her.

"What're you childen doing way out here?" she asked, still not sure if she could trust them or not.

"We're lost, lady." Alice frowned.

"Oh dear, you poor kids!" Mrs. Weasley said solemnly, then offered the champions a place to stay for a while.

"You are very kind, thank you." Annabel smiled and walked inside the Weasley's home while Mrs. Weasley held the door open. When all of us entered, we saw how nice it was inside. There was not a mess in place, everything was nicely furnished, and the walls were decorated with beautiful paintings and such. Just when they thought it couldn't get any better, Shanda appeared from around the corner. She leane against the door frame with a cup of tea in her hand.

"Oh, so we seem to meet again, fellow bitches!" she boomed at us.

Mrs. Weasley grinned and said, "children, this is Shandra. She's very nice!"

"We know who she is, you stupid bitch!" Kletus scowled at her.

"Pardon me?!" Mrs. Weasley gasped in horror.

"Umm.." Annabel murmured.

"YOUR SON RON HAD A THREE-SOME WITH HARRY POTTER AND DUMBLEDORE!" Alice shouted at the top of her lungs. Molly was speech;ess, and tears started to produce in her eyes.

"Oh fuck no, Ron is a good boy!" she cried.

"With AIDS now probably.." Cole scoffed quietly. Shandra shook her head at all this nonsense.

"It's true, your son is a man-whore." Kletus said bluntly.

Suddenly, Mr. Weasley popped in the room. "All of you leave this instant!" he said angrily.

"With pleasure!" Annabel shouted back and stormed outside. All of us followed behind her and were surprised to see Shandra in the field.

"We're going to need to a ride out of here." Shandra smile widely, and pulled back some of the wild straw in the field to reveal the blue flying car.

"Oh fuck yeah!" Alice cheered excitely.

"The only problem is that it doesn't necessarily work right now, but since I'm a champ and have superior mechanic skills, I can fix that." she winked, and took out a large, random wrench. Shandra then violetly hit the parts under the hood and the car roared to life.

"You're a hero, Shandra!" Annabel said proudly and gave her friend a highfive.

"Yeah buddy, yeah buddy!" Kletus exclaimed as he danced.

"Time to get the hell out of here!" Cole shouted.

"WAIT!" Mrs. Weasley called after us. When she approached us, she gave us a basket of treats. "I'm sorry for my husbands actions." she told us. "It's his time of the month."

"Tranny, tranny!" shouted Alice.

"Yeah, I know." said Mrs. Weasley. "Take the car if you want. I always hated that peice of shit!"

"You are a nice lady." said Annabel.

"Off you go then." Molly told us.

"I call front seat!" Alice yelled.

"Shot gun!" Cole shouted.

"I call sitting beside Annabel!" Shandra said.

"What about me?" Kletus asked.

"I'm not sitting beside you. Annabel is my bitch!" said Shandra.

"Don't worry Kletus, you can still sit with me." Annabel told him.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Cole interupted. "Let's just fucking go already, god damnit!"

"Violence!" stated Alice.

"Calm down, Cole!" Annabel reassured him.

"I've never driven a flying car before, so this should be fun!" Alice grinned.

"Oh jeeze.." Shandra said.

"Time to go hit wizard prostitutes!" Kletus cheered as Alice floored on the gas pedal and stuck her head out the window.

"Goodbye ginger slut!" she yelled and pulled up on the steering wheel which caused the car to soar into the air. They soared over Enland and was soon flying over the ocean. On the waym they made CD's appear in the disc player and listened to AC/DC's "Back In Black" album. For some odd reason, they saw Narwhals? Then Kletus and Cole started singing the 'Narwhal' song!

"Shut the fuck up!" Alice yelled at them. "Or I will drive this fucking thing into the fucking water! And when we disapparate out, you two will fucking drown in this fucking car!"

"Okay.." Cole and Kletus said very quietly.

"You're really violent!" Shandra mentioned.

"I'VE ALWAYS BEEN FUCKING VIOLENT!" Alice yelled triumphantly.

"Calm down and lets go to Hagrids Hut!" Annabel cheered. She was quite excited to see Rubeus, the Half-Giant!

"We're off to see the giant with a huge penis!" Cole began to sing.

"Shutup, Cole!" Kletus hit him.

"I regret coming on this journey already." Shandra shook her head.

The Champions soared through the air when they illegally flew over Hogwarts Grounds. Hagrids Hut was located at the bottom of the hill near the Forbidden Forest.

"Hagrid will be excited about this surprise visit, I bet!" Kletus said as Alice gently landed the flying car onto the ground. When they all got out, we were pelted with rain.

"I hate this shitty weather!" Shandra cursed under her breath.

"Shutup or I'll violently snap your neck!" Alice said.

"Who are you talking to?" Cole asked curiously.

"Oh.. sorry. My fucking tourrettes are acting out again." Alice said.

The group of friends edged towards the Hut. There was one candle sitting on a table that was only giving off a faint glow.

"I hope he's home," Kletus began saying, "or this was just a waste of time!"

"Let me knock." Annabel said as she pushed through Kletus and Shandra in order to reach the door. She knocked three times and that was all it took to get the giants attention so they could get inside. Hagrid stood arched in the doorway. He had a very confused look on his face.

"Does he not know who we are?" Shandra asked, a bit confused.

"Butterbeer ballsack, of course I do!" Hagrid boomed, then stepped aside. "Come in, four Champions and friend." He smiled. All of the Champions huddled together through the doorway and were quite surprised to see the inside of his home. There was a lightbulb attachment hanging from the ceiling with the help of some oddly looking strings that were thick and straw-like.

"What's this?" Kletus asked as he touched the string.

"Oh, well ya' see, the wire broke for that light long ago and it's been a bugger to go out and get a new one. So I thought, heck, why not make my own? All natural is the way to go." Hagrid smiled.

"What..? Ewww, oh my lanta!" Kletus cried and wiped his hand on his pant leg.

Trying to be casual, Annabel complimented Hagrid. "I can tell that you're a real good braider."

"Oh yes, my pubics are French-braided and when they get too long, I cut them off and knit the extra hairs into a sweater." Rubeus Hagrid said very proudly.

"..This isn't awkward at all.." Alice murmured.

"Who would want a pubic hair sweater? That's just gross!" Annabel grinned.

"They'll catch on one day. I'm going to market them and I'll be famous! But pardon me, one of my biggest customers who give and take is in the back." Hagrid told us and shuffled through his house.

"Someone who gives and takes?" Kletus questioned. As they stood there, Dumbledore came out from another room wearing.. a pubic poncho?

"Hello, kiddies!" he bowed.

"OH LORD!" Cole yelled and hid behind the rest of his friends.

"This can never be good." Shandra shook her head.

"I agree." said Annabel as Hagrid came back to greet them.

"Do you like my creation? Dumbledore shaved his forest and let me make this." Rubeus said.

"It's quite comfy." Dumbledore reassured us all, then walked over to our group. He spotted Cole and smiled. "Would you like to try it on, dear boy?" Albus asked and removed the pubic ponch, revealing his disgustingly crusty, old, and naked body.

"OH FUCK NO! GET AWAY FROM ME YOU RAPIST!" Cole screamed at him and ran out of the hut.

"He'll come back," Dumbledore winked. "They always do!"

"I'm going to vomit!" Annabel exclaimed.

"Time to go!" Shandra shouted.

"Let's fucking get out of here!" Alice yeled while flailing her arms randomly and ran for the car.

"Why do they always leave?" the pedo wondered.

Hagrid rolled his eyes. "Gee, I wonder why?!"

"Well it's not my fault I just want to get to know them better!" They heard Dumbledore exclaim as the Champions piled into the car.

"Hurry!" Kletus said as he put on his seat belt.

"Hang on!" Alice told everyone as she started the flying car and abruptly put the pedal to the metal. She violently drove forward; tearing up the ground and thrashing dirt everywhere.

"Wait!" They heard a faint call from outside. Of course, it was Dumbledore chasing after them, but he couldn't run this fast!

"GO!" Annabel yelled. Alice pressed on the gas pedal even harder. As a result, a massive chunk of weeds and dirt shot backwards and hit Dumbledore square in the face!

"You fucking delinquants!" he cried as he toppled over and fell down onto the ground.

"Nice one!" Cole celebrated as they rocketed off into the sky.

Later on, the group of friends arrived in Los Angeles.

"Downsyndrome donkies!" Alice said in amazement.

"This is where the magic happens." Shandra smiled.

"This is where rape happens!" Cole shouted.

"Only with you and Dumbledore." Kletus reassured him.

"Don't remind me!" Cole gagged.

"Too much information.." Annabel looked disgusted.

"What're we here for again?" Shandra quickly changed the subject.

"Right, we're here for James to make him the new season 10 American Idol Winner!" Kletus said.

When the Champions arrived at the Subway Station, it was packed with people.

"Why didn't we just apparate? We're fucking wizards!" Cole complained.

"Because it's called being casual and secretive!" Annabel snapped at him.

"Okay, well, we better hurry and get on the right train." Kletus suggested.

Soon enough, Subway Cart #69 had arrived. The wizards and friends didn't even purchase tickets, but they didn't give a shit because no one noticed. All of them casually shuffled on board and took their seats.

"All passengers please take your seats. If standing, please make sure you're near a hand rail for safety precautions." A robotic voice said over the intercom.

"I'm excited to meet James." Shandra said.

"Me too!" Annabell agreed. Kletus turned and looked at her.

Cole sat across from an elderly lady who was awkwardly staring at him.

"What're you looking at?" he asked uncomfortably.

"Oh nothing dear, you just look so much like my grandson." she smiled.

"Shutup you senior slut!" Cole snapped.

"Young man, that's no way to talk to your elders!" she gasped while in shock.

"Oh woopdy fucking doo!" Cole rolled his eyes.

"You're very ignorant and rude!" she accused him.

"No I'm not, but I'm a fucking wizard, bitch!" he exclaimed and whipped out his wand. "Fucking incendio upyour wrinkly ass!" he cursed and shot the fiery spell everywhere.

"Rebel wizard!" Alice cheered.

"CALM DOWN, CALM DOWN, DON'T GET A BIG DICK!" Kletus yelled, flailing his arms as he got up from his seat.

"Shut the fuck up, Kletus!" shouted Annabel.

"Violence, violence!" Alice screamed. Before any of them could do anything, several small blobs of darkness appeared.

"Heartless!" Cole yelled.

"Oh, shit's going down now ya' ass wipes!" cried the old lady. She got up out of her seat surprisingly fast for an old wrinkle! Then she pulled out a wand and.. bear mace? Cole's jaw dropped to the ground. Suddenly, Death Eater's apparated inside the cart!

"Come get some, bitches!1" cried the lady as she shot red jets of magic at the attackers.

"Go granny!" Cole cheered her on.

Shandra threw shurikens from behind them, but those Death Eaters deflected them! Kletus charged forward into the small squadrom of heartless. Alexxa shot Holy Magic at whoever chose to fuck with her. Cole was, somehow, in another cart with the old lady shooting Heartless and Death Eaters.

"You're pretty good at this lady." said Cole.

"Well of course I am!" she said. Cole then looked at her very closely and said, "Professor McGonagall?"

"No shit, Sherlock!"

"McGonagall!" Annabel exclaimed.

"Fucking brats, I'm here!" she cursed, sending 'bombarda' at a Death Eater, sending them flying through a class window.

"I always wondered what an old skank like you looked like in person." Alice said as she t-baged an evil wizard.

"Well," she grunted. "I wasn't going to let the four champions and their friend die." she said as she continued to fight. By this point, most of the Death Eaters were defeated.

"We're fucking champs!" Shandra cheered as she disarmed one with her shurikens and pinned a Death Eater to the wall.

"All of you need to get out of here before more show up!" McGonagall cautioned us all.

"But what about you?" Kletus asked.

"I'll be fine, no one fucks with a slutty senior witch like me!" she exclaimed. "Now GO!"

The Champions all joined hands and imagined their destination (The American Idol Studioes), and began to lift into the air.

"Goodbye, snake broomstick!" Cole waved as Professor McGonagall. She shook her head and face-palmed.

When the wizards arrived in Los Angeles, Cole immediately screamed, "oh butterbeer balls!"

"Shut your saggy tit pubes!" Alice yelled back. Shandra looked around, seeing two things. One, they were on a roof of some building. Twoi, Annabel was missing.

"Fucking shit, she's gone!" she yelled.

"Oh wagon slut!" Kleetus said.

"Boom-boom pow in my pants!" Cole yelled.

"I hope she isn't getting raped by Dumbledore." Alice said.

"He only goes for boys, like Cole." Kletus smirked.

"Flag pole fucker!" Cole swore.

Suddenly, Sirius Black hairy anal sack appeared.

"What the..?!" Shandra was confused.

"Giraffe gonats!" Alice exclaimed.

"Do not fear," he said. "I'm actually a normal wizard."

"Who turns into a flea bag with AIDS!" Alice mocked him.

"For the record," Sirius pointed out. "I'm been clean for 6 months now."

"Bullshit." Shandra coughed. "Oh goodness, that was a big one!"

"Oh well look who's talking little Miss 'I love dogs'!"

"You should know better than to hit on a ninja!" she retaliated.

"Okay!" Kletus interrupted. "As awkward as this is, we need to find the American Idol Studio."

Sirius Black face-palmed. "You're standing on it!"

The friends looked down and saw that he was right.

"Oh rhino queefs!" Alice and Cole exclaimed randomly at the same time.

Inside was exactly as seen on TV. No more explanation needed. James and Paul were talking at the Judges table with Steven Tyler.

"OMFG it's Stven Tyler!" squealed Cole.

"Weird." Kletus murmured.

"Why hello there, wizards." Steven said as he waved at us. "McGonagall told me you would be coming here."

"You know her?" Cole asked.

Steven winked seductively. "Yes."

"Creeper, creeper!" Alice said.

James walked up to them and asked if they really were wizards. He then told them that Paul wanted his own line of toothpaste products!

"We can help with that." Shandra said.

"Cause' we're wizards, ya slutty bitches!" Alice shouted.

"Great." said Paul. "What should we call it?"

"Hippogriff!" Kletus said, flailing his arms in a ridiculous fashion. All of a sudden, Theppy crashed through the ceiling! Then the doors burst open and Nobody's came swarming in!

"Holy hell!" Cole exclaimed.

"Time to go wizard!" Alice said. "And knight and ninja!"

And then shit went down. First off, Kletus was cock chopping several hoes. Cole was casting shields while he shot at the on coming horde. Shandra and Alice were being very violent! And I mean very, very violent! But the Nobodies kept coming and coming.

"God damnit!" Cole yelled. "When will these dildo clit fuckers stop?!"

"I'll handle this." Kletus said, trying to be coo. "Die you motha' fucka's!" he yelled as he swiped his sword, sending a giant wave of light at the Nobodies. In a flash, they were gone.

"Epic!" said James.

"We still need to find Annabel!" Shandra remembered.

"To the car!" Cole exclaimed.

"I'll ride Theppy!" Kletus announced.

"Now let's run over some wizard prostitutes!" Alice shouted.

"Did I ever mention you're cute?" asked Steven Tyler.

"Fuck off, monkey face!"

And they were off. Kletus rode Theppy through the LA night with the others in the flying car. Then they went to find Annabel. But not before they ran over some wizard sluts!

Chapter 7 soon to come, bitches!


	7. Chapter 7- Riots, Riots, and Lady Gaga

I Do Not Own Anything Except Cole, Alice, Annabel, Sam, and Kletus

Just a note: This was written in Feburary of 2011

Chapter 7- Riots, Riots, and Lady Gaga

"Get the fuck out of my way Tinker Slut!" yelled Cole as he literally ran over Tinker Bell!

"Why did I ever let you drive!?" wondered Alice as she held on for her life.

"You didn't." Cole smiled evily. The Flying Car nearly crashe into the Seatle needle! "I used the Impervious Curse on you!" he laughed.

"What!?" yelled Sam. She was just as terrified as Alice. Mostly at Cole's driving. Alice, however, was pissed!

"YOU BITCH!" She shouted. Alice pulled her wand out at fast speed, and shot a bolt of red energy at Cole! Weirdly, he dodged it! It flew outside and nearly hit Kletus on Theppy!

"Tranny hoes! Calm down!" shouted Kletus.

"Oh look, there's Vancouver!" said Sam.

"Why Vancouver?" asked Cole.

"Because I can read Annabel's mind, duh!" Alice obviously stated. "Cause I'm smarter than all ya skanky stank monkeys!"

"That's it!" yelled Cole as he drove the car down. Straight into the Fraser River! Quickly, Kletus slammed Theppy into the car! It was soon spiraling out of control, but only crashed into Metrotown Mall! "This is no good." said Cole with a Russian accent.

"Shut up Cole!" Alice and Sam shouted. When they got out of their car, they saw the mall in ruins! Kletus called them from outside, but out there was worse! Cars were burning, buses tipped over, everything was on fire too! They could see that North Vancouver was were the Bruins fans were. Underneath Vancouver was Mission, Surrey, and Coquitlam with the Canucks fans! Stanley Park and Downtown Vancouver was the battlefield, which they were in!

"Shit! Looks like someone fucked up big time!" said Kletus.

"I didn't do it!" Cole protested.

Then for some random reason, Filch walked by? He looked at the bad ass wizards, then at the city. "Oh fuck no!" he said.

"Get lost glitter vagina!" yelled Alice.

"Whatever." he snorted.

"Don't 'whatever' me whore bat wrinkle sack!" Sam shrieked. Suddenly, she trew a, katana? It was then logded into Filch's leg!

"OW! Mother fucker!" he screamed.

"Run!" shouted Cole.

Quickly they ran from the creepy limping janitor, and straight into a raging battle of dumbass hockey fans! People were tossing molitavs, beer bottles, and other breakable/explosive stuff! Fans of Canucks were hockey stick sword fighting with Bruins! Cars were flipped over, on fire, and ranomly exploding! "Dude," Cole said. "I have so much respect for whoever started this."

Alice suddenly got an evil smile that everyone think, "Oh shit."

"Guys, we're a couple of wizards, a ninja, and a Trolly Knight. You know what we have to do!"

"Oh fuck yes!" yelled Sam as she charged into the battlefield, flinging shurikens everywhere! Then pulled out her katana and started dueling sluts and hoes! She then vanished into the chaos!

"Time to break shit!" Alice yelled. "Again!"

"Remember to give a sign when you find Annabel!" Kletus said.

"Fuck off!" The Red Mage yelled at him.

Then the three friends charged into the fight, shooting spells and cock chopping! They continued fighting all the way up Kingsway Highway! No sign of Annabel anywhere. But when they arrived at the PNE grounds, they spotted her up on top of the Hellavator! She was locked in a fight with Severus Snape! "We have to get up there!" Kletus cried as they passed the 80's funhouse. Suddnly, Heartless and Death Eaters appeared! They ran towards Annabel and Snape with Cole countering the coming spells! Once they arrived at the twoering ride, Cole and Alice offered to distract the hordes while Kletus saved Annabel. So he called Theppy and rode upwards, while the two wizards delt with the Death Pussy's and Heartless. When Kletus reached the top of the Hellavator, he jumped off Theppy and joined Annabel.

"Severus Snape Anal Rape!" she shouted at Snape.

A beam of white stuff was launched at him, but he disapparated away because he was a fucking pussy who only gave and did not recieve! Kletus and Annabel then shared a romantic kiss. Just then, the old roller coaster exploded into a fire ball! They could fanitly hear Cole's voice saying, "Sorry! My bad!"

"Cole you dumbass!" shouted Alice.

"I'm sorry, but I love things that EXPLODE!"

"You're saggy pubic testies are gonna explode if you don't focus god dammit!"

"Shit! That's a big Heartless!"

He was right, from out of nowhere a massive, winged Heartless(Darksides) appeared! "Shouldn't we help them Kletus?" asked Annabel.

"Yeah, we should." he agreed.

The Hellavator suddenly shook, and began to topple! A Darkside had begun to push it over! Kletus and Annabel slid over the side and fell to the ground!

"Wingardium Leviosa!" Alice shouted, pointing her wand at the two lovers.

Right before they hit the ground, they stopped and hovered for a few seconds. When they touched the ground, Kletus and Annabel jumped up, weapons in hand, to Cole and Alice's side. The Hellavator was slightly leaning towards them now.

"Kletus, push them back a little. I have a plan!" said Cole.

"Oh God!" said Alice.

Kletus took a good swing of his sword casting a niche of light wiping out the front few rows of Heartless! Then Cole pointed at the leaning ride and yelled, "Bombarda Maxima!" A massive blast shot from his wand, and struck the support. But then The Hellavator began to topple over! "Run!" Kletus shouted. "We can get out through the other end near the Main Building!"

BOOM  
The four friends were fast enough to dogde the falling Hellavator before it smashed the remaining baddies, and reached the west entrance. "So if we're back in Vancouver," Cole wondered. "Does that mean we can't disapparate?"

"Then I would've been with you guys in seconds." stated Annabel.

"Still can't belive this rioting." said Kletus.

"I would so be in love with whoever started it!" laughed Cole.

"Annabel started it." Alice announced.

"H-how do you know?" Annabel stammered.

Alice pointed at her temple, "Mind reading."

Kletus then glared at Cole, while Alice muttered, "Awkward!"

"Well," explained Annabel, taking no note of what Cole said. "I was with you guys. But then I was somehow in Vancouver, and some guy was raving on how the Bruins cheated in the hockey finals. And being an Ameerican myself, i sorta sacked him."

"Then it went downhill from there." guessed Cole. "And it sounds like someone wants to seperate us."

"Probably Moldy-warts!" Alice thought, refer to Voldemort.

"But let's find a way out of here first." Kletus suggested.

As they ran onward, Annabel questioned Cole how far to the nearest way out of Vancouver. Since, of course, Cole was good with mapping and locations. He recalled a map in his head and saw the Lion's Gate Bridge as their exit. But it was still a ways away, in Stanley Park! They continued on, fighting riots and bonfires. By the time they reached Gas Town, all were exhuasted. Not only that, but also of using magic. "Guys," huffed Alice. "We need, a much... fucking... fuck!"

"Alice is too tired to swear." Cole said with great shock.

"Now i'm scared." puffed Kletus. "And very out of energy!"

Alice scoffed at him, "Maybe you should actually exorcise, you fat ass!"

"She's right." Annabel agreed.

"Hey!" Kletus was appalled.

"I mean, we need to get out of here!"

"But we still can't disapparate out of here... fuck!" Alice said.

Suddenly, and randomly, a light bulb appeared over Cole's head.

"Oh shit he has an idea!" Kletus exclaimed.

"Maybe we can't use magic to leave," He started. "But perhaps we can use it to fly to the park!"

"I'd hit you for not thinking of this earlier." growled Alice. "But I'm too tired. Yet, I'll still disapparate. Tit cum bitch scissor fuck!"

"Trolololololol!" Kletus cheered, waving his arms in a ridiculous fashion. "I'll call Theppy!"

Once the kick-ass wizards hippogriff arrived, Kletus mounted him and took off! While the three others flew through the streets of Vancouver! Meaning Cole's plan fucking worked! They zoomed through downtown, but crashed into nothing! The friends had reached Stanley Park, yet in front of them stood a dark figure. The worlds must really hate them because when the figure turned around, it was Seporioth! The main villian from Final Fantasy 7, and the most powerful character in the game series! His long sliver hair stretche down his back with sword in hand. Which, for you nubes, is a long katana! His green eyes were fixed on the knight and wizards. "So," He said. "Dumbledore chose you four? How utterly pathetic."

"Hey bitch!" Alice shouted. "Say's the cunt with the long girly hair!"

"You will pay for your ignorance and insolence." He laughed. "Now die!"

Seporioth lunged at incredible speed! Kletus charged, bringing his sword up to him. Their blades clashed in a flurry of steel. Cole turned his staff into a sword and joined them! But even as they fought, Seporioth was far more stronger! "You cannot put me to rest." He mocked. "No one can!"

Suddenly, an arrow protruded from his arm. He quickly dodged as two more missed him! A horn was heard, and from the parks trees came centaurs! "Holy shit dude!" Alice gasped.

"Damn straight you better stay away from them!" shouted Sam, as she rode in on a centuars back!

"Another one?" wondered Seporioth. But then he looked off into space, and seemed as though he saw something. "And there's more. Doesn't matter."

He snapped his fingers, and several Heartless appeared!

"Come on!" Annabel shouted.

Kletus and Cole dashed around Seporioth and ran along with Annabel and Alice. The centuars fired arrows at Seporioth to distract him while the fellow bitches ran up the bridge! "When we cross the bridge, my friend will take us out of here." Sam said as they ran.

"Look out!" Annabel shouted, as she created a magical sheild blocking oncoming Heartless! Kletus shot light out of his sword, vaporizing them! They reached the middle of the bridge, but then Seporioth appeared behind them! He raised his right hand to the sky, and the clouds darkened! "Fall into the abyss." He said, flinging his arm at them.

At first nothing happened, then something did. From the sky, fell a massive meteor! "Fuck!" Cole exclaimed.

They ran as the meteor closed in on them! Which then tilted, and smashed the bridge as it chased the wizard friends! When they neared the other end, a group of motorcyclists were waiting for them. One of them was riding with a guy dressed like, Jesus? That someone was a blond skinny woman, dressed in blue.

"Lady GaGa!?" Kletus said out loud.

"Hop on my little monsters!" she said.

"Holy cunt humping panda rapists!" Alice exclaimed.

They jumped onto the backseats fo some of the guys motorcycles, and drove off. Just as they away, the meteor exploded! It wiped out most of the buildings along the shore, and rest of the bridge! The air blast had softened when it reached GaGa's motorcycles to just a really strong gust! Behind them, Seporioth vanished in a blur of black feathers!

"Oh hell that was close!" Lady GaGa said.

"Says the bysexual catholic!" Cole retorted.

"Aren't you supposed to be in Hollywood?" Kletus asked GaGa.

"Well... yes." She answered. "But, uh, the paparazzi are a bunch of bitch juice squeezes!"

"Are we related?" Alice wondered.

"Anywho..." Annabel interuppted. "What was up with Seporioth back there?"

Judas turned to her and said, "He's Number Seven in the New Organization. Be grateful your alive!"

"Shut it ho!" yelled Cole.

"VIOLENCE! VIOLENCE!" Alice laughed.

"He's right though." agreed GaGa. "You aren't strong enough to ever take on him. He's only in the New Organization because they forced him. But he's far more powerful than all of them."

"And the only one that can beat him is Cloud!" Kletus remembered.

Jesus nodded, "He was with the others when they were all brainwashed by The Emperor."

"So why are they all here?" Annabel asked.

Saint Peter looked up at the sky. "All other worlds are resisting them." He explained. "They saw your world as a threat since everybody here doesn't think magic and such exist. When it actually is, full of magic even, when the wizards of another world settled here after their's was destroyed."

Cole looked as though he remembered something, "Because when a world's gone, it's people aren't! They just move somewhere else!"

Lady Gaga laughed, "Well you know your games and movies. But yes. Then, when more fell to the darkness they came here and formed a... Resistance if you will."

"That's why Sora's missing, isn't it?" Alice wondered. "Cause he's a part of it?"

"Yes he is." answered Pilates. "If you can't find him, you stop the darkness. That's what the New Organization thinks anyways. So unless you know a Keybalde weidler, or are one, or have a Gummi ship, you're not leaving this world."

Jesus smiled as they exited North Vancouver. "But... you may also know someone on another world who can call us, and open a portal into the Lanes Between."

"Who?" Cole asked.

"You'll see." Lady Gaga said. "But it'll be awhile before we get where we're going. So do something, IDK."

Cole leaned towards Alice and whispered, "Did tranny long face McBoogerballs just speak text?"

In a world beyond theirs, dark forces gather at their stronghold. The World That Never Was. It's black, clouded sky surrounded the castle. The empty streets that lie below it weren't so empty anymore. It was crawling with all manner of dark creatures! This world never existed truly, so it can be as large as it wants! In the heart of it all, lies the skyscraper where Seporioth stood. Think of Times Square for the skyscraper area. Only cluttered and crowded with out of proportion TV's. And two sets of stairs curving up to a double glass door.

And in walks the Joker! You know, green hair, purple suit, clown makeup, creepy as fucking hell! He lit a cigarette, and puffed smoke. "So, poor bird wing didn't get the kill?" he asked.

Seporioth ignored him.

"Well at least it isn't your last shot." Joker puffed some more. Then Seporioth glared at him. "Now I have your attention." The Joker smoked. "See, you were summoned into that wrecthed world by Sevy, Snake, or something. You failed, you got brought back. Same with that golden Emperor wannabee. Only, he died first! Hahahaha! And then that... cowboy panzie and Bellatrix called Voldy. One of them dies, connections lost, Voldemort's brought back here..." Joker waved his hand all around. "To this slice of hell!"

"What do you want?" Seprioth finally asked.

The Joker walked right up to him, and whispered, "I have a plan, to destroy, those brats! But I need your help." Then he drove the cigarette's burning part into his own neck!

"And Sora's!"

Oh no! What will happen next? Where's Sora? What is the Joker's plan and who else is part of the New Organization? Find out in Chapter 8- Animagnus's and Deadlines!


End file.
